Fun in Rio

- It must be a joke! There is enough grub for every single human being to be fed. There's enough money to guarantee housing and some extra cash for condoms, and a movie, and dinner, for every single person alive and also the ones that are being born. So what do we do with all this cash? We keep it on the hands of 1% of humankind, and let the rest of us strive like mad just to have something to eat and not go insane! But some of us DO go insane, and start wars and join useless terrorist groups, and support dictators, so that we burn the few riches we have fighting like some stupid animals! This must be some cosmic joke that only God understands!
- Hey! God is everywhere! So I'm God, too, and so are you! And I don't quite get the joke, really! Maybe THAT is the joke? Think about it!
- Great! So God is a skinny brazilian with a t-shirt with a white smiley-like face, where you can read "Bleep!" written with some old red marker! This has got to be a joke inside the message, or a message inside the cosmic joke!
- Listen! Let's get naked, OK? Or maybe drunk. Or we can go out dancing! It's called FUN!

Democracy does not exist

- What we call Democracy is not real! Democracy is not ONLY the government of the majority, but also RESPECT for the RIGHTS of the MINORITIES. We need some constitutional guarantee that fringe lunatics will not be forced to conform to some other lifestyle, just because it is more common. If you're not killing people without any acceptable reason, and you're not stealing, who cares what you do?
- Well, some people will say what you do or say makes them sick! They will try to pass laws against you!
- You see? Spiritual or psychological harm to ADULTS should not count as arguments in a REAL Democracy! Jut get a shrink or padre, and fuck off! Let others be! But I know it will take some time until we get to a real Democracy. In fact, I will probably die without seeing it. So I guess I'll just get zonked out on vodka! Here's to our Relatively Democratic Democracy!
- Yeah, and be glad that at least SOME drugs are legal!

You love that kind of violence

- Can you translate it, please?
- Sure! "Lugar de violência é na piada" means: " Violence belongs only in jokes"!
- You mean practical jokes?
- No, I don't think he meant that! So let's say it means "Violence belongs only in verbal jokes"!
- And sado-masochism between consenting adults!
- That goes without saying!
- Only if you're gagged and bound!
- Oh, I love THAT kind of violence!

do gargalo means drinking great

- Well, "do gargalo" sounds a little bit like "do caralho"! And "do caralho" is how brazilians say that something or someone is "fucking great"! Literally, it means something like "from the prick"! And "do gargalo" means "from the botleneck"! So I guess you can translate it as "drinking great"!
- Hey, now THAT'S drinking great! Let me buy you a drink!
- OK, but only if we drink each other's spunk afterwards, in honor of the gods of translation!

That dawn in Rio

- Man, did you see "That Night in Rio" last night?
- You mean THIS MORNING, right? No, man! Like 4 a.m. was too late for me! I passed out during that brazilian movie, "O Flagrante"! Even with the hot babes and all!
- Yeah, that was pretty interesting, for a movie made during a dictatorship! They were even discussing the legalisation of divorce!
- Well, you know: the military rule in Brazil was rough enough, but nothing nearly as bad as the Vargas dictatorship! Anyway, that's what I understand from the books, if they are of any use! But what about Carmen Miranda? Is she really all that?
- Man, she looks like a delicious transvestite! I can totally understand those yankee soldiers going absolutely nuts! The ones who were not addicted to Betty Grable, anyway! And that reminds me of that other girl, Alice Faye! Man, if you don't care about Carmen Miranda, or Don Ameche, or Technicolor, even then you simply must see Alice Faye wrapped up in gold in this movie!

Avant-garde theory made easy

1. I notice this very young kid acting like a crazy man. He does not seem to care about you understanding what he's doing. Maybe he doesn't know it either. That won't stop him or his fun.
2. If you do something similar as an adult, and stay out of any serious trouble with the police, then I guess it's art. So, have fun!

Banco do Beneriovaldo

- I love Brazilian banks! All these black-haired people standing in line just give me the hots!
- Where have you been all my life? Here's my number!

1985: the teens look greener across the border

Nothing to do! Nowhere to go! I wanna be Canadian!

Fraction of the Neo-Pop Army

- You just use being an artist as an excuse for your ridiculous clothes and lack of social skills, do you understand!?
- I totally agree with you -- I think.

consider yourself an insider

- You must understand that the news are really an advertisement for shopping! The point of the media is to give you the impression that life is hell, and that the world is getting worse, and that you should be very worried! Being worried will get you shopping for drugs, clothes, self-help books, sex, whatever soothes your spirit and gets them a chunk of your income! Of couse, there is the risk of collateral damage: a free media could get you new ideas, even about the media itself! But, if they get you worried enough about the future, it doesn't matter what you think!
- So, it doesn't matter that I'm thinking of tonguing my way to the inside of your pussy!

wet fries

- It's easy to shock people in Rio! About two years ago, I started asking for a straw at McDonald's, and people were surprised and looked at me in disbelief from other tables! They are OK nowadays, but I still get the occasional weirded out look when I use the water to cool my french fries when they arrive too hot in a burger joint!
- Good idea! Let's eat some fries before I suck your dick! I promise I'll brush my teeth, if you want me to!

the experience

- Well, "consciência desculpada" means "not guilty conscience"! It's a joke about monotheism in western culture, I guess!
- Nice! I tell you what: this party is kinda slow. Let's go somewhere and start an open marriage!

freakylicious last words

Não existe Deus senão Laiá Laiá, e Matusaleme é seu profeta! Axé shalom! Hava naguila!

Skip-tic-all: the du-vídeo-dó experience

- OK. My studio, if you like. But maybe only the bathroom. There's some stuff I do in the toilet, and a permanent installation inside the box that I want you to put on video.
- I know the right guy to get this images on video. Gee, I love this way you have of using dialogues to explain new ideas in a simple way! It's pretty much brand new art!

Now

I wake up in the shadows. My tent feels warm and confusing. I hear music far way. I hear this woman calling me, but I don't understand my own name. It can't be my wife. I left her somewhere, many rivers ago. I want to go back to my hometown, but I know I have rebuilt it beyond recognition. And I don't know its name anymore, so I cannot ask my way back to it. My soldiers refuse to cross yet another river. They want to go home, but will not leave me here. Without wars to fight, we die from this strange fever. My very best friend died in his sleep yesterday. His eyes were open and he was smiling, and murmured the name of his house before a strange sound emptied the vessel of his spirit. I cried for an entire day. Now I understand the music I hear comes from the distant spheres that move above the house of the Gods. I am crossing the river, going home. A gentle voice thunders all over the sky:

- No more of you sucking my dick after midnight! You jump out of bed NOW, before you are late for work, mister! MOVE!

Bahamansa Yaguafreska

- Free yourself from your ego!
- No way! I love to be his sex slave, thank you very much!

Happy 2007!

- Did you see the news? Four youths were in a bus in downtown Rio yesterday morning, coming back from this New Year's Day party. People say they broke a window and one of them said they were going to set the bus on fire. This guy believed it and shot dead two of them! The other two idiots managed to escape! I bet they won't make stupid jokes like that one anytime soon!
- Oh, yeah! The best part is that the guy with the gun wished everybody a happy 2007 before jumping off the bus! Now, that's what I call being very polite!