not in

Then I knew I was in Cosmic Joke again. Cosmic Joke in my mind was the Candid Camera the spirits watched to see the living do idiotic stuff like I was doing that day. It all made sense on theory, of course. I left the office building and felt like a walk why not I just knew there was not going to be any messages on my answering machine it almost never happened so what was the hurry to get home where I could be reached by phone but wouldn't get any calls and also the traffic was heavy so I decided to walk for maybe half the way to my place if I was really into it and then I was walking all the way home and then I noticed I was near her job and it made sense too because it was the safest street it was already dark but I was worried I would bump into her and she would feel I was stalking her OK I was on the other side of the street and there was the building and sure enough there was someone looked just like her and two other girls going out the front door to get a sandwich 'cause they worked really late and I just looked straight ahead and never looked back I was scared into auto-pilot thank God I just went on without looking back I knew she didn't hate me but I felt she didn't want to see me again not in a long long long time. So I stopped a few blocks down the way to get some eat and then I went straight home to drink until I passed out in such a stupor I could almost believe in God but not in any church no I was too happy for that mind control crap I just drifted into a dream of some kind of Heaven where women were not easily offended by my clueless talk.

Sad or numb or something

- Read this aloud.
- Next time I met her we were standing in line for that same party only this time we were not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore and I couldn't believe how strange it was to look at her some girls are like that after you break up you just have no idea every time you meet them it is a surprise you really really can't predict your reaction I mean I like her and hope she meets someone right for her better than me I was way too unstable I don't know her whole story but I can guess she met one or two very abusive guys she can't deal with freaks like me she gets scared she will get beat up or maybe just weirded out by too strange behaviour she was right I was going to be too weird and maybe unfaithful which I don't mind but she did and once I screamed at her she would never admit it but I was there and I just know she mistakenly thought I was on the verge of punching her I never did that to a girlfriend I am not like that but we were together for maybe two or three weeks how could she be sure I understand that maybe that was when she started having doubts and eventually dumped me because she felt that maybe I was a bit too crazy to handle I just hope she is fine and I actually would prefer not to meet her for some time because every single time it was at least a little bit weird like something you know it can't work but all the same you feel sad or numb or something anything but OK so it is best for me not to talk to her for some time not even online.
- So? What do you think?
- Don't put this stuff online, man! She might get paranoid!
- It is already on. Let's pray she is too busy to read it. I really want her to be happy even if it means never being allowed to talk to her again.
- Don't get so dramatic, man.

Before the Easter Offensive

We had never heard of Gay Pride. We knew the Yankees were fighting the Commies in this place called Viet Nam or something but mostly we cared for my new red Monark 1972 bicycle for a couple of weeks right after hot as Hell Christmas 1971 below the Equator. Then one day we were out on the street after Lunch and people were just doing the siesta it was so damn hot only crazy restless kids like the two of us were out if the Commies or the Apache should make a surprise strike there would only be the two of us sheriffs to hold them back until the 7th of Cavalry would save us all from being burned at the stake or something we were in such a daze and it was so hot we considered doing something about our shorts maybe take them off and go around naked no that would mean big trouble if somebody's mother or sister saw us from a window we just rolled up the back of our shorts into some sort of primitive G string bikini thing we felt really brave like we were the sheriffs so we could look like sissies because everybody knew we were the good and brave protectors of the law and the good people and maybe even the sissies if they were not robbing banks or horses they were good people and as long as good people stayed together there would be no way the Commies or the Indians or the Bad Guys could win and every good person would get to do his or her job and get their fair money so everybody would be happy forever.

I understand

Idea for story: drunk guy looking for a tranny finds one with short blond hair and big tits and an awesome ass. He comes like crazy up her ass while holding those delicious big tits. Then she says they did it before like one year before on that same hotel room. He looks again and actually believes he remembers her. He is quite elated and tells her she is even hotter than she was one year before new haircut and all. He goes to a bar afterwards for one last shot of whisky. He stops at a fast food joint on his way home to get some burger and fries to go. Next day he wakes up to find the untouched burger and one big Coke on the fridge. He figures he was slurring so bad that the cashier heard big Coke instead of big fries. Only in Rio. Maybe also in other big cities where people speak portuguese. I understand the moaning is quite similar wherever you are.

Enjoy it

- Yeah I like it people don't die anymore they just move into some cooler social network and vanish from you and your old tired network and I can live with that I know some people did die but I can be happy with this dream that they either went to Heaven or some cooler social networking place on the web and are all right no need to worry that they might be destroyed no I have been brainwashed by the Catholic Church so I can hardly believe that anybody gets destroyed I just think that everybody goes to Heaven 'cause I can't belive a loving God would let a place like Hell even exist I can't believe in Hell except maybe right here in this crazy planet whatever get drunk and enjoy it while you can!
- Oh, give it to me! YEAH!

Reasonable thinking

She gets home twitching. Brazil is number one in speed use. Get skinny or get high or both whatever this fucking society is a personkiller so you might as well surrender to the Health Nazis who will kill you with guilt and low pay jobs if you don't get skinny enough to comply with their health standards tabs yeah fuck it she says I'm gonna get drunk otherwise I can't sleep I'm so fucking wired I should just go out and try to meet some hot woman for fucking Chrissake I need some booze to get mellow enough to really enjoy the action I don't know they told me Jesus loves me when I was a kid but I find it hard to believe that Jesus would send me to Hell forever just because I am a woman who likes to tongue some pussy I mean who the fuck am I hurting don't give me that shit about breeding when there are thousands maybe millions of orphans in the world and people must get pregnant fuck off why do you need a kid that looks just like you only to get killed by the starving orphans you could have helped but did not because you are so full of yourself you need a kid looks just like you like your face is so special no way even if you are an astounding beauty that only means you look like some astounding beauty from the past sorry to inform you that you are not that special yeah I would think you were a little more special if you would get out of this egomaniac trance and adopt someone but don't let my reasonable thinking stop you from going your moronic asshole way if you must oh I know I am not perfect either but I do feel that I am a little better than you in that if I wanted to raise someone I would adopt and give a chance to some unlucky kid yeah really you don't like what I think of you too bad that's freedom of speech you idiot everybody can say their stuff so fuck off!

Agnostic prayer

Dear Whoever in Heaven, if you really are there, please protect me from the people who just want me to be my true self and lead a happier life.

More like

- Do you have something against consumerism?
- Well, if you must consume yourself, suit yourself.
- You think you are pretty funny, don't you?
- I don't think that much, actually.
- A right clown, you are.
- More like center.

Simple plan

Make them sad or scared and they will buy more stuff.

Here in Rio de Janeiro

Aqui no Rio de Janeiro
Carnaval o ano inteiro
Pra onde tu olhar
Tem mais um pandeiro

bullshit translator

The warriors from planet Dahell were known to kill themselves when defeated, instead of surrendering, in order to die with honor.
Translates as: they knew they were gonna get fucked in the ass if they surrendered, so they killed themselves.

Rio mad bop two thousand eleven

Life will laugh at all your dreams
Then it will kill you
So get fun and pleasure screams
Before it is all past you

Rio blues two thousand eleven

Primeiro a vida ri dos teus sonhos
Depois ela te mata
Aproveite os prazeres mais loucos
Tudo logo acaba

Right after

eIt was not that he did not have the money. OK, he could not afford the comics. And it was summertime and he had no ventilator because he cut the cord of the one he had to use it to hang himself and then found out there was simply no place in the damn apartment to hang the cord from and he didn't want to go out looking for a tree he was shy he gave up the idiot could not even be brave enough to kill himself out in the street as a big Fuck You Goodbye to the universe and so there he was with a cordless ventilator which was a good thing for it was old and whinny and he eventually threw it away and had no money to get another one fuck it he was gonna read everything inside the book shop for free fuck them for having such a nice carpet where you can sit down and read the whole damn book shop when you only work like four hours a day for not much money fuck this system where you gotta work eight hours five days every week and even then your pay can be too small and nobody cares because you don't have enough money for them to care about you so fuck it all he was gonna read all the comics he could get his hands on for free and then go back and see if there were any phone messages but there were none the bitch said she would call and then of course she vanished for the whole damn weekend he could not belive how stupid he was for loving someone who clearly loved him but also clearly was not capable of being reliable when he needed it the most what the fuck was he complaining about at least she had a good job and did nost pester him for cash but her good job was fucking up her brain so she just forgot to call or whatever the fuck it was he did not care anymore he was pissed and would stay that way until she called at last and then of course he would be the happy idiot so very happy to hear from her maybe not maybe this time he would tell her to fuck off and shove her absent mind love up her ass fuck off my life you stupid useless egotistic snotty cow fuck you get the fuck out of my life who need this waiting I don't give a shit if you can't deal with your work or social life or whatever keeps you from taking a minute to leave a message in my answering machine instead of leaving me waiting in hell you heartless bitch I wish I would just die and leave you sick with guilt I love you so much it must be a disease this can't be healthy he was thinking and then he gave up thinking and dived into the comics and thanked the gods for the air conditioning in the book shop and when he went home to eat something out of the fridge he passed this unbelieveable reader she was taller than him and looked japanese and had a big ass he simply could not talk to the woman she was so beautiful he just went home and drank a big double shot of whiskie and passed out right after wanking.

Disbelief or dismay

The barbecue went into the night. We boys strayed into a secluded place in the woods. Took our dicks off to masturbate and show each other how big they were. I was small in stature. Looked younger than I was. So my dick was obviously the biggest by far. We were just a bunch of boys with almost no hair in our legs. I can still see the look of disbelief or dismay in some of their faces.

Jealous people deserve to get

cheated on

Ciumento merece ser

chifrado

shut up and write

Lonely? Write. Sad? Write. Suicidal? Write? Mass murderous? Write? Mutilation dreams? Write. Horrific psychotic sex fantasies? Write. Bored to death and endless afterlife? Write. Numb? Write. Vaguely sympathetic? Write. Strangely upset? Write. Absurdly annoyed? Write. Needing to talk about it? Write. Weirdly happy? Write. Feeling like dancing without music? Write. Very enthused for no reason? Write. In dire need to tell someone? Write. Absolutely ecstatic? Write. Really. Just shut the fuck up and dance. Then write.

divine sale

- Can't say I believe in God. I just pray automatically when I face great danger.
- You believe in God. You just don't believe in religious systems. Good for you. Most churches just want to sell you guilt and shame at absurdly high prices.

Title is

Grab my tits and fuck my ass!

Common cold ecstasy

Make music with mostly coughing sounds. Call it Common Cold Ecstasy.

Yeah it was me I shot them bastards

Yeah it was me I shot them bastards
Aimed it right between the eyes
They were rude and robbing sods
We shall meet in Paradise

homeboy

Our society regards 'home' not only as a place of rest from the
outside world, but also as a means of self-expression. It is a place
that we may decorate as we please, and keep as neat as we choose to.
If we live alone, that is. Dividing a home with someone else might
raise questions about how clean is clean enough, and which ornament
gets the spotlight. Some people worry so much about keeping their
place tidy that they verge on neurosis. Or so think the others.
Talking about it and reaching some form of compromise might help. It
is suggested that learning to leave clothes on the floor overnight
might help to ease the stress. Maybe if the other person moves objects
a little bit every day, the tidier one can slowly begin to accept that
complete control is impossible and unnecessary. Failing to reach an
agreement is not an option, if the people involved want a healthy
relationship.

not even my mother

The gods must be joking. The first woman I saw naked other than my mother I don't remember well except she was blond and we were pretty young like four or something and we just locked ourselves up in the garage and showed each other our things and they were looking for us and we just pretended we were hiding just for the fun of it and the adults pretended they believed us. Next time I saw a naked woman I was going to fuck her but she said she couldn't and I believed she was trying to avoid pregnancy because we were both nineteen or something but when I did fuck her a few days later there was blood and I asked her if she was sure she wasn't a virgin and she said she was sure and of course I later realised she was menstruating and I was an idiot. I fell in love with her but she said that was only because she was my first one. I felt really sad but later found it really nice of her not to fool me. I'd believe her lies. I was that much foolish. Then there was this communist skinhead girl with big tits and a really hot ass and a boyfriend who met me on the street the next morning and I thought he was going to kill me on the spot but he just invited me to go back and have breakfast with him and her and we just pretended I had not fucked her ass minutes earlier and I still don't know today what was he thinking maybe he was a true anarchist and didn't give a shit about monogamy. I went away on vacation and was foolish enough to think she would want to see me again when I didn't even phone her for weeks but when I came back she was just cold and I was sad but then again I figured it took me nineteen years to find a woman who would fuck me must mean I'm not that great or maybe I am too ugly I mean not even my mother thinks I am beautiful and I know this 'cause she was foolish enough to hint at it in my face and my father was foolish enough to tell her not to say a thing like that in front of the boy and so even though I still love my parents I must say this must be a joke or maybe my mother is crazy about ugly guys because my father looks a lot like me and much older what the fuck! Then there was this social democrat something woman who loved me for some six years but it was maybe too late for eventually she gave up I was already too crazy and what can I say? OK for you to think I'm crazy just leave me be and I won't cause you any trouble except maybe fuck your wife when you're away but if that upsets you I guess you are a crazy idiot because the real scandal is little kids getting hit by firebombs and surviving to lead a fucked up life. I am not mentioning the girls I only fucked once or twice without ever believing they loved me sorry girls I must be a great idiot so fucking what I'm gonna keep boozing and fucking for as long as I can and hopefully laugh at my weird luck I am not saying I have no luck but it does feel pretty weird sometimes. Then there was this lesbian who can't really be a total lesbian or she would not have had an orgasm with her panties on just by rocking up and down my shaft yeah I wanted to stick it up her but this lesbian shit was good I was so in love with her which was stupid because she might be a very fine lady today but she was just another stuck up egomaniac young woman and I can tell because I am a bit of an egomaniac myself for sure I mean even my fucking parents love me just because I am usually good with my manners which means I don't understand a fucking thing when people find me pretty interesting and even hot as hell oh I know different people have different tastes but I feel kinda weird. Anyway I just went dancing for an year or so no sex and then oh forget about it I just will end the story here no I am not dating anyone or having any serious relationship and I am really not even trying anymore the last time I really cared to try to be monogamous it was with this girl that was so hot and I loved her so but she just sent me away and I realised it is very difficult for anybody to meet someone who fucks the same number of times per month so yeah we didn't want it the same number of times and was either betrayal or one of us would say I quit and she was the first to say it and I said I was also feeling things were getting weird which was a mistake I should have asked her why but instead I just looked like a cold bastard or a crazy idiot I don't know I just hope she is doing fine I know I was the wrong guy for her for reasons I won't discuss except maybe say my madness wasn't doing her good I think. And then there was the sad mod girl. I was just fooling around with lots of people and I told her even my love for her was not going to make me stop for I did not believe in monogamy anymore except when it just happened out of the blue she said OK but eventually it was not OK for her at all and I just had to say that our thing was getting way too heavy it was horrible to see someone you love break down like that I hope she is alright but I can't even think about meeting her by chance on the street it will take me a couple of years to be cool about this I still can't believe something so good went so bad. So I decide there and then to drink and fuck and take love if it shows up and the biggest joke is on me for believing this is a feasible plan with the weird heart I have I mean who the fuck was I fooling!

some gals

- Some gals and some guys are crazy like that. You just wanna tell them: hey, just because I fucked you and/or
said I loved you or just looked at you it don't mean a thing today because it was in the PAST, OK? No hate. No crazy feelings. OK? I like you but I have a life. Don't get paranoid. If I don't say it loud and clear it is because I'm NOT trying to fuck you or anything. I'm just being friendly. Don't panic. You are quite safe. Really. Now turn off the internet for a little while.
- Yes! Deeper! Yes! YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

easy monogamy

Monogamy can be easily 100% guaranteed if both partners are dead.