not even my mother

The gods must be joking. The first woman I saw naked other than my mother I don't remember well except she was blond and we were pretty young like four or something and we just locked ourselves up in the garage and showed each other our things and they were looking for us and we just pretended we were hiding just for the fun of it and the adults pretended they believed us. Next time I saw a naked woman I was going to fuck her but she said she couldn't and I believed she was trying to avoid pregnancy because we were both nineteen or something but when I did fuck her a few days later there was blood and I asked her if she was sure she wasn't a virgin and she said she was sure and of course I later realised she was menstruating and I was an idiot. I fell in love with her but she said that was only because she was my first one. I felt really sad but later found it really nice of her not to fool me. I'd believe her lies. I was that much foolish. Then there was this communist skinhead girl with big tits and a really hot ass and a boyfriend who met me on the street the next morning and I thought he was going to kill me on the spot but he just invited me to go back and have breakfast with him and her and we just pretended I had not fucked her ass minutes earlier and I still don't know today what was he thinking maybe he was a true anarchist and didn't give a shit about monogamy. I went away on vacation and was foolish enough to think she would want to see me again when I didn't even phone her for weeks but when I came back she was just cold and I was sad but then again I figured it took me nineteen years to find a woman who would fuck me must mean I'm not that great or maybe I am too ugly I mean not even my mother thinks I am beautiful and I know this 'cause she was foolish enough to hint at it in my face and my father was foolish enough to tell her not to say a thing like that in front of the boy and so even though I still love my parents I must say this must be a joke or maybe my mother is crazy about ugly guys because my father looks a lot like me and much older what the fuck! Then there was this social democrat something woman who loved me for some six years but it was maybe too late for eventually she gave up I was already too crazy and what can I say? OK for you to think I'm crazy just leave me be and I won't cause you any trouble except maybe fuck your wife when you're away but if that upsets you I guess you are a crazy idiot because the real scandal is little kids getting hit by firebombs and surviving to lead a fucked up life. I am not mentioning the girls I only fucked once or twice without ever believing they loved me sorry girls I must be a great idiot so fucking what I'm gonna keep boozing and fucking for as long as I can and hopefully laugh at my weird luck I am not saying I have no luck but it does feel pretty weird sometimes. Then there was this lesbian who can't really be a total lesbian or she would not have had an orgasm with her panties on just by rocking up and down my shaft yeah I wanted to stick it up her but this lesbian shit was good I was so in love with her which was stupid because she might be a very fine lady today but she was just another stuck up egomaniac young woman and I can tell because I am a bit of an egomaniac myself for sure I mean even my fucking parents love me just because I am usually good with my manners which means I don't understand a fucking thing when people find me pretty interesting and even hot as hell oh I know different people have different tastes but I feel kinda weird. Anyway I just went dancing for an year or so no sex and then oh forget about it I just will end the story here no I am not dating anyone or having any serious relationship and I am really not even trying anymore the last time I really cared to try to be monogamous it was with this girl that was so hot and I loved her so but she just sent me away and I realised it is very difficult for anybody to meet someone who fucks the same number of times per month so yeah we didn't want it the same number of times and was either betrayal or one of us would say I quit and she was the first to say it and I said I was also feeling things were getting weird which was a mistake I should have asked her why but instead I just looked like a cold bastard or a crazy idiot I don't know I just hope she is doing fine I know I was the wrong guy for her for reasons I won't discuss except maybe say my madness wasn't doing her good I think. And then there was the sad mod girl. I was just fooling around with lots of people and I told her even my love for her was not going to make me stop for I did not believe in monogamy anymore except when it just happened out of the blue she said OK but eventually it was not OK for her at all and I just had to say that our thing was getting way too heavy it was horrible to see someone you love break down like that I hope she is alright but I can't even think about meeting her by chance on the street it will take me a couple of years to be cool about this I still can't believe something so good went so bad. So I decide there and then to drink and fuck and take love if it shows up and the biggest joke is on me for believing this is a feasible plan with the weird heart I have I mean who the fuck was I fooling!