greek love one more time

- I must say I am quite agreeably surprised to see that brazilians are all over the board when it comes to skin color, from the milky brown we call pale white to the almost bluish petroleum deep brown that we call pitch black! They all look like living ice-cream cones that I can't wait to stick my tongue into!
- Yes! Homossexual acts in the animal kingdom! And we have photos! In the show at the Museum of Natural History, in Oslo! And some are available online for all to see! God bless Norway!
- This drawing he showed me said that God forgives absolutely everything, but the judge is free to think otherwise, so you better be smart and stay out of trouble! Then he presented me to this friend who is my kind of greek goddess!

fashion targets prostate cancer

I did this drawing that resembled that target from that sales campaign against breast cancer, you know? That one where you buy a t-shirt with this target and help stop breast cancer. This drawing has a hand showing its middle finger right into the center of the target, and it reads: O câncer de próstata no alvo da moda. Ajude a combater o câncer de próstata: meta o dedo no seu homem. In english: fashion targets prostate cancer. Help to fight prostate cancer: finger your man's ass. Since I've sent the drawing to a bunch of people, the idea is probably stolen forever by now, but fuck it! It's a good joke, and I'm drawing it again, I guess.

Respect the Church of Porn. Well, this one I'm almost positively sure it has been done before, for I checked it on Google. Well, it was a joke when I wrote it in a drawing, and I didn't know about the real church or whatever. But then it was quite serious, for I know that young american soldiers are risking their lives around the world to protect my right to love porn like it's some freaky religion. I love democracy! I hope we can have it outside America some time soon!

1981

She was tonguing my ass, and I was tonguing her pussy. That's some great 69 when the girl has that clit that you can hold between the outer lips, even when it stands up. It is big enough for you to feel it under the closing lips, but then It's not a monster clit! Those bigger than life clits are great too, if you are a cocksucker like me, but I just love the feel of those ones that get encapsulated inbetween those tasty outer lips, dear Lord! Oh, freaky Jesus fuck, tongue my ass! Is that your finger? Oh, give it to me, baby! I'm gonna find your G-spot with my tongue now, read my mind, I'm gonna jump tongue first right into your uterus! Oh, Shake that ass! Do you want one or two fingers? That's three, huh? Here's four, take my hand, baby, for I'm taking you all the way around those burning sands! Yes, I'm a lesbian faggot! That's very nice of you to lick my hairy balls! I am happy to learn that you don't prefer them shaved, for I'm you regular bisexual bear, otter, chaser whatever you want! And suddenly I'm back in 1981! That's my first 69, with that 19-plus virgin cocksucker from across the tracks, and I'm a 14-plus rock bitch freaking out! I'm back in 2006 and spurting all over your tits! Say that you love me, bitch! Yes!

To swerve and protect

The moon is a pretty black woman
With a shaven head
Smiling with her eyes closed

- I've just come back from this place somewhere downtown, which I'm not naming for security reasons. Now, these security reasons are probably bullshit. If Rio was really coming apart that bad, how could I go downtown safely? Just because it is saturday morning, and the sun is out? No way!
- Well, I understand life goes on pretty much as if in Israel, whenever they're not being blown to pieces by some crazy terrorist wanker!
- Wait! That's disrespectful to my wanker friends! You better take it back!
- OK, but that politically correct crap is really a nazi freak thing, for it doesn't understand context! But anyway, the truth is I love you, so you can drink my piss now, honey! Oh, YES!

in vodka veritas

- I had this dream I was in Planet Dope or something. People were always high, and it was harmless. The only bad things that could happen were accidents, but their medicine could fix up anything and anyone. And you could go crazy, but then they would use ecstasy and other pills to get you back in proper shape, which was quite lunatic, of course, I mean: can you imagine what normal is when everybody is off their tits? A normal conversation was quite weird for me, but everybody was mostly friendly all the time, so I felt quite safe, albeit a bit confused at understanding where things were going. Since there was no need for safe sex, for everything was easily cured, there was quite a bit of orgies and hilarious divorce litigations going on everywhere. I was mostly laughing my head off, really.
- Right. Well, I gotta tell you something: You ARE in Planet Dope, and presently under treatment for a disturbing series of nightmares where, you insisted, you visited this Planet Earth or something, where sex could be dangerous, and drugs could do you harm, and some other crazy stuff. But you seem to be coming around pretty good, now! Here: have some vodka!

let the children play

In my dream I went to this planet that shocked me the most: Children were having sex in groups, pairs, and solo everywhere, even in public. One of the natives explained it to me: they were restless and noisy, and since we don't have any contagious diseases in our planet, we decided to let them watch porn from the craddle. They are much happier now, and grow up to be quite sensible adults, like I might be an example of myself.
I asked him if there was any law prohibiting them from having sex with adults, and he told me the age of consent was 8 years old in most of the planet, except for some conservative isolated communities that drew the line at 10, and a country that said it was OK from 5. I was feeling dizzy by then, and he asked me if I wanted a comfort pill. He assured me it was tested and OK for earthlings and other 25 thousand space species, so I swallowed it, without any water. It was remarkably easy to swallow, like it had disappeared in my tongue. Then he told me there was a side effect: It might change my sex for some 48 hours. But he assured me I would look gorgeous as a female, and kissed me. I started laughing with joyful surprise, and woke up with a hard-on.

Sheena is a crossdresser

- I met her online. Then we met at a pub in Ipanema. She is that good at looking like a biological woman. I was surprised to find out that she was born with those blue eyes and golden hair. She laughed, and told me that not all brazilians look like refugees from a war in Africa or slum dwellers from Mexico City. After some seven or eight dates, she agreed to have sex. Boy, was she worth the wait! She can suck me into sheer Heaven with those lips! She has all the rhythms and tongue textures you can possibly imagine, and then some! Her dick is just my size, and knows how to move around inside my ass like it's been doing it for months, which is the case by now. This is a very happy ass that's talking to you right now! And the way she takes my dick up her butt! I can't possibly describe the ways that ass can move along, and then slow me down, and then hurry me into a soulshaking blast off, man! I just go on and on and I never want to stop, oh Lord! Wow! I'm shaking just to think of it! So I'm getting a job and a home in Rio.
- Well, I hope you come and see me when you are back in L. A. on vacation!
- Sure! She loves to share a good thing like me with nice people like you!

God is over there

-You see that delicious blonde transvestite waiting to turn a trick over there? That's God!
- So what? God is everywhere! So every single fucking thing there is, and even the ones that do not exist, it' all God! That doesn't change a thing! Because God is everywhere, the world stays the same, or maybe it is changing for the better, in fact, I'm sure it is evolving into something beautiful, but I'm not there yet, and won't be there anytime soon, so it doesn't make much of a difference, really! Oh, I guess someday I will be absolutely overjoyed about anything, but that won't be tomorrow morning, no sir! Or maybe it will, but I only have today to live, really! tomorrow is just today all over again! OK, it's a bit different, but I'm going to die someday, and I'm not sure it will be fun to do this thing, dying, so how can I feel so great about all this esoteric delirium? God knows I would like to feel great, and sometimes I do, even without trying, but that seems to be out of my control most of the time, so what's the point in it? OK, maybe this is not a good day for me, not very good, anyway. OK, but not really something!
- OK. I love You. Can I suck your dick, now? You can suck mine, too, if you like!

o lord won't you buy ME

Jesus Fucking Freaky Christ! It's a helluva paradise here now. Just enough vodka in my brains to make me understand. I've seen this movie called Wood & Stock, for the second time. I must say I'm quite impressed. It is surely naive at times, but I don't give a fuck, for I was laughing my ass off anyway the first time I saw it, not drunk or anything. It's about two die-hard hippies and their deranged friends, trying to cope with this crazy new world of today. Complete with a friend that gets dead drunk every single night and wakes up without knowing where the hell she is. Yeah, that's animation for people over 16 alright now and forever!

- I really like tonguing assholes, you know! Like this!
- Yeah, man!
I was a bit shocked at him telling me this with his boyfriend standing less than ten feet away, but that was a quite intellectual book shop, and I was mostly happy to see someone so close disclosing himself as an ass freak just like myself. So I guess God knows what is what! Yeah!

tut frut

I am calling you
From the deeps of yummy
To tell you all about
King Tut Frut's mummy

I was old, but now I'm young
I was told not to fear
Now I know all songs unsung
Let me sing for you to hear

When the coming times are due
All is old and all is new

You're too kind

I would like to understand
To avoid loosing my mind
If you hold on to my hand
I must say
Every single day
You're too kind

The unicorn went for a whisky
And the roof is feeling fine
And the grapes are getting frisky
I must say
Every single day
You're too kind

doing butchy carpet munchers in the caboose

Butch lesbians like it in the ass nice and deep. Not all of them, but that's OK. There must be some 6 hundred thousand butch lesbians in this planet, and that's more than enough for a lifetime of dicking lesbians in the ass, thank you. I don't mind if only 6 thousand of them are into it. I can smell them from miles away. They sure look tough, those girls. But they really are just like those macho guys who secretly hunger for a nice thick fuckstick up their chocolate tunnel. It only takes a couple of drinks on the right occasion. Maybe a certain song. Sometimes, all you need is the right conversation routine. And I know all about it. I was born into it. First time I did it, I was 12, and she was 36. My mother was her best friend, and accepted her for what she was, and would have a stroke if she ever knew. But she won't. That's the best thing about these girls: they won't tell a soul. Too much to loose. Because they come back for more. Yeah, I'm that good at buttfucking. So they will keep it a secret. OK, there was one that wasn't that OK about it. She got confused. But that was fine: no one believed her, when I denied the whole thing. She was off her meds, anyway. That's my wife's favorite story.

stripes on 45

There's a party going down 'round here
Jesus freak, yeah!
Jesus freak, now!
Jesus freak, yeah!
Jesus freak!

When I feel like something
I wanna fuck your ass

He was born. He grew up. He married a girl. They got divorced. He married a Dutch guy. The Dutch guy was killed by a drunk driver. He got together with a man and a woman. They left him for an exclusive relationship between themselves. He was a bit depressed. He met this group of seven people that were in an open relationship. He joined them. They lived happily for 56 years.

Secret artist man

Inside the box there was a stone, engraved with the following words:

Reading is optional
Ler é opcional

Bate na palma da mão
Vai descendo o cocozão
Cocozuda!

O feiticeiro disse que mamar não é tolice
Não, não é pecado pagar pra ser enrabado
E disse que havia uma trava encantada
Que engolia tudo e não cuspia nada

I think I'm in love

I am not looking at the candle anymore. I'm watching the shadows on the wall. I'm outside, in the sun. It doesn't burn at all. The shopping center is delicious. I'm just watching it all. The cars are alive. There's music all around. With or without aim. Infinity of sound. The silence behind it is behind it all. There must also be a color behind all the rainbows. But with or without musts, I'm having a ball. My heart is singing it's secret song. It tells me I'm fine and should hop along. This train's everywhere and nowhere at once. I'm basking in epigrams and swimming in tongues. Inside my head, I'm screaming with joy. There goes a fat lady, and I'm sighing oh boy. The man over there makes my blood feel great. So many cute people. I don't hesitate. I'm drinking their images. Forever my cake. I smell something warm. Caressing my soul. I'm scratching my head. I'm puzzled and cool. It all comes together. Like winding up wool. I'm wrapped up in daydreams. I'm a wisened up fool. I'm tasting a bliss as big as a pool. I have tears of joy flying 'round my brain. I'm changed forever and glad that I came. I know who I Am. I'm glad I'm a man. I think I'm in love, therefore I Am.

the air conditioning is perfect

- I gotta find me a lesbian wife!
- You mean bisexual.
- No! I don't want to have sex with her! I just want to kiss her in public!
- Wait! You believe yourself to be bi because you like to KISS women, and nothing more? You're gay!
- That's for me to define! French kissing IS a sex act, so I am bi!
- Come on! That makes me bi, too! Remember that night I was on e and kissed Mary for hours? I enjoyed it! So that makes me 99.99% bi, right? No way!
- Well, you're standards are not my business! I want to meet you lesbian friends! Start spilling the info!
- Why would I do that to a friend? She would have to secretly meet women for the rest of her life!
- She will have a chamber maid! Surely you know some nice closet lesbian dominatrixes!

one step ahead of the blew

- I gotta tell you: this 69 thing is lovely, but not enough for me!
- Well, I've told you right from the start that I'm not taking dick up my ass! Nothing against it, but it is not my thing!
- I don't mean that!
- What, then? Me dicking you? That's not my thing either! I've told you: nothing but fingers and tongue!
- Will you listen to me? it's about our showers!
- What's wrong with that? I thought you liked showering together after sex!
- I do! I do! It's about pissing in the shower!
- I thought you don't mind that! I won't do it anymore!
- It's not that! I want you to piss!
- You WANT me to piss?!
- Yes! In my FACE! In the SHOWER! OK? It's easy! Just go, and I'll be right there with you!

el retossexual

He said he's not retrosexual, but RETOssexual. In Brazil, reto means rectum, besides meaning a straight line, and stuff like that. Anyway, he was paying me, so I was laughing with him. Then I was inside him, but not in the usual way. It was one of the coldest hot fucks I've seen, actually. No ice, but the room temperature was quite cold from air conditioning. I guess he hates sweating, and living in Rio must be kinda distressing. Anyway, what he did was masturbating himself while standing up behind a couch, watching some videos. They were mostly old silent movies, and the music was mild electronica. I was standing right behind him, but without touching him, except for a hand in his left shoulder. He was colder than me, whatever the room temperature, and that's the way he likes it. He wanted to feel my warmth, but only at a very precise moment. His balls were touching the backside of the couch,which was metallic, and quite cold at the time. He was just humming for some minutes, and then he called out a woman's name. That was my cue, and I embraced him from behind, and quickly started to give him as much fingers up his ass as his shaking would let me. He was screaming and filling up his rubber.

Oh, Dara! Please Believe Me!

Her name was Dara, and she liked to listen to Odara, which is an old hippy song from Caetano Veloso, this old Brazilian singer from the 70's, which is so totally her, because her hair is down below her butthole, never seen a girl with such long hair she is a rich brazilian girl alright, so it is quite alright for her to be a hippy with style and nice expensive shampoos and hair conditioners, and she is a vegetarian except for the meat she likes to suck off when she is drunk or stoned like she was she is in a journey through this planet in order to find her true self or something, and she was oh so freaked out when she found out I am a girl that has a nice long dick that she can feast her tongue and tonsils all over OH, DARA! You surely suck a mean mean cock! I told her I'm a rich american girl, and that she is most invited to show up at my place in L. A. anytime she feels like sucking some nice american sausage, and she was laughing like crazy then asking me if I ever took it up the ass and what it was like and would I fuck her ass she was scared of brazilian boys they were kinda brute but she felt I was the right person to give her ass a try and did we succeed! I was in and out and in and out and in and out and all the way IN! YES!

Stop the CPR! I want to get off!

The thing is: the victim had VERY big tits. As I pressed her chest, they got to shake to the rhythm. I was breathig hard, as I had to count out loud the pumping motions, in order to keep my partner blowing air into her lungs at the right time. She was white wax pale, and I find vampire movies quite sexy. She does not come around. She is dead right know, clinically. I'm having the biggest hard-on in a long time. My partner notices it. Soon he's excited, too. We can't hear the paramedics' siren. This can go on for an hour! We mustn't stop! We change places, and doing so only heightens the feeling on our crotches. It is getting to be too much. She won't move an eyelid. How long can we go like this? I am starting to see people having sex in the shapes of the numbers I'm crying out loud. My partner locks up his eyes on mine. He's shouting the numbers along. Something is humming in the back of my mind. He's doing the push-downs with just one hand, and the other is pumping his dick. Mine is out at once. We're changing places for the fourth time with our dicks in our hands. It gets to be so easy to do we are laughing and barking between the shouted numbers. We lick it off her tits just before she starts humming.

God is bizarre

- God is bizarre, really, like showing up in different places for different people. Plane flight simulators, collecting stamps, genital piercing, praying, materialistic philosophies, post-op transexuals who are gay, het guys who marry lesbians who will let them do nothing except lick their pussies, people who fuck up completely on drugs because that's how they feel closer to the mistery of life, men who give up sex and masturbation and just concentrate on work and talking, and people who go and live like hermits in nature and only have sex with goats, and people who never leave home and write stuff in blogs, and rich people who have their kicks traveling to the stratosphere, and poor people who like to fuck where they will be easily found out, and people who enjoy getting advice because they know they won't change a thing about their lives, and people who realise they should shut up and write their complaints in order to make it easier for others to ignore them, and people like me, who sometimes can't tell someone is hitting on them even if the person is almost jumping on their laps, and a zillion other ways to feel God!
- OK! I AM hitting on you! I love you! Now shut up and tongue my ass!

gala mess

Gala dress, yeah! In Brazil, gala is a slang for spunk, and I want to mingle with the loco locals. So I'm a rich american girl giving head to this brazilian guy who WON'T fucking come! I want some hot gala all over my tits and gala dress, but this must be some kinda tantra freak, Jesus fuck! He just moans regularly, like it is a mantra, no matter what I do. I'm doing it with my teeth, like i'm going to bite it off, and then I'm doing it slow and softly and very very wet, like I'm drooling with pleasure, which I am, I love his taste, is this pre-cum? Aw, fuck, I can't tell, this brazilian beer got my taste buds' wires all scrambled up, but I'm a good girl, yeah, I do it in the name of the Lord Jesus, I'm a woman on a mission, I am licking up and down the shaft from all possible angles, and doing it sideways, and doing it with my cheeks on the outside and then on the inside of my mouth, and only with the tip of my lips and then my tongue all over and then it is all the way down my throat, yes, I'm having your balls, too, and then i am tickling his asshole, and I sense a shiver hmmm I'm licking my finger and up his ass we go and he is losing it completely and asking me to oh fuck him fuck him yeah, shake that ass, you faggot, give me your COME!

wankadelic hangover

Thank the gods, soon his hand was landing on my lap. Mine was all over his cock the very next second. We slid into the carpet in a swirl of kisses all over. In a couple of minutes he was tonguing my ass. Then he gave me one, two, three, four fingers. He was good. Then I watched him wrapping up my gift in rubber, and kissed him again as he spread the lube over the rubber, and then felt the rubber myself, grabbing his pole and almost gasping for air, good god, yes. Then his dick was inside me. I felt so right. Man, did I shake my ass! He was moving faster, then slower, following my moans like a script. He was moving around inside me in ways I wish I could describe. So good. He would take it all out slowly, leaving just that delicious head inside me, then shove it all right back in, then stop midway in, then go all the way, or take it back, I was freaking out deliciously. I was about to scream. Then I was screaming, pleading, moaning his name, oh give it to me, oh do it oh honey darling baby hmmm jesus yes! oh yes! oh don't stop ever do it to me do me do me do me oh honey DO ME! And the DVD played on as if nothing. I drank a little water along with my vodka, so my head don't hurt. I'm just a bit slow. I'm so glad.

Vodka vision

Everybody is the same only in our tendency to be different from others. Everybody should believe that we should not believe in the same things. Yes, it's all in your mind! Wherever it may be!

I understand your sexuality is a matter of your private concern only. Nobody else's business, really! Just give me a silicone doll with big tits and a nice dick, and nobody gets burped!

The funk we are, ladies and gentlemen!
On with the soul, good vibe to you!

Vai! Vai! Assim com esse doidinho!
Vai! Vai! Assim com esse doidinho!
AAAAH! Só tem MALUCOOOO!

Ladies and gentlemen:The Bleepos!

Please Bleep Me
With The Bleepos
A Bleep Day's Night
Bleepos For Sale
Bleep!
Rubber Bleep
Rebleeper
Sergeant Bleeper's Bleeping Hearts Club Band
The Bleep Album
Yellow Bleepmarine
Bleepy Road
Let It Bleep

I've got everything that you want

I've got everything that you want
Like a hard-on oh so true

The basics about looking stoned: wear your sunglasses even when you are washing your face. Say something meaningless from time to time. Refuse any drug, saying you are already freaking out. If asked what you're on, say you don't know, but it looked like an aspirin. If asked about the effects, say you can't describe it, except you feel great. If asked about the man, say the guy is someone you don't know, who just told you about an hour ago that you had to try this unspecified stuff, and pretend to look for him. He will, of course, have vanished completely from the party.

People should shut up and write. A written complaint is much easier to ignore, thank the gods!

To the checkpoint

- The fact that you get excited watching this black woman spank a tied up white woman's ass means that what you really want is to be fucked in the ass by a black transvestite!
- No way! I want to be spanked by a black transvestite, then go home and masturbate all by myself, period! Then again, maybe I will skip the spanking and just stay home and have some fun!

Young american soldiers are risking their lives in Iraq today, to defend your right to be a drug using, bareback fucking, post-op transexual born again Hindo-Islamic-Satanist-of-Christ agnostic-atheistic freak, so take it easy and enjoy your life!

- The streets are feuds that never die, so let's get mildly drunk and get a cab!
- OK! I've just finished this stuff I had to write online. To the checkpoint! Go!

democracy is funny as heaven!

Democracy means having to take it when others make cruel fun of your dearest beliefs, and being free to ridicule theirs just as well.

Test you democracy right now: make a tasteless joke about your president's mother's sexuality!
Just keep in mind that your lawyer loves you!

Love your parents, but do it using condoms!

I had this dream about the future. The Pope was on TV telling people to relax, because orgasming with a vibrator up one's ass was not a sin! In fact, it was as sacred as a same-sex act between consenting adults! Me and my boyfriend were drunk with esoteric enthusiasm!

The bleep you are

- I wonder what is the point in starting what is supposed to be a humorous collection of notes, then writing some very serious stuff inbetween the jokes.
- It's no wonder, for life itself is a joke, even though it seems like God's practical one from time to time.
- OK, so I wonder what does God mean with all this crap going on all over the planet.
- Well, we are free, so that's how it goes.
- So we are free to be cruel with each other.
- And the others are free to try and stop you from being cruel to them, so watch your step!
- That's insane! Why would a God want all this mess?
- Because robots are not as much fun, and don't feel love, either!
- So God needs our love?
- God is everywhere. And you need love. Unless you believe otherwise, that's it.
- Well, that's funny, alright!

suicide is alive and well

- Why shouldn't I kill myself?
- Only you can answer that!
- So, it is OK?
- If you want to leave this world very quickly.
- And where would I go?
- Where you believe you will.
- If I believe I'm going to Heaven, that's where I will go?
- If you believe it, yes.
- So there is no punishment?
- If you believe it, yes, no punishment.
- What if I'm not sure?
- Then you will go to somewhere you're not sure what it is.
- That's great!