Praise them

- Well, it's been a nice year! There's been this night at the club where I danced with this friend, and I kissed him, and I had this illusion that he might want to be my boyfriend! This proved wrong in the daylight, but that happy night was really fantastic!
- Praise the gods!

Doctors might be hazardous to your health

- Doctors make me sick! they are too often stuck up on statistis, and don't ask you the basic question of the real check-up: ARE YOU FEELING FINE? Who cares about the standards of normalcy? If I'm feeling good, and I'm not passing out, and I'm not contaminating other people, I'm FINE!
- Well, you should meet Dr. John, and have your prostate examined! then You will sing and shout for all the world to hear that doctors make you SWISH!

yet another view of Donnie Darko

- The thing is: the terrorist attacks of 9/11 actually happened in order to try and flunk Donnie Darko completely! But the DVD is a huge success, and now everybody will eventually know that
Bin Laden wanted to stop the world from knowing he played the part of Grandma Death in the movie! Yes, that's right: HE DYES HIS HAIR IN ORDER TO LOOK YOUNGER! BUT NOW THE TRUTH IS OUT!
- OK! I will tell you that I love you, looking right into your eyes! But first you shut up and spray you fucking sperm all over my beard! NOW! DO IT! DO IT! YES! YES!

a chuva cai

A chuva cai!
A rua inunda!
Maria, eu vou comer seu bolo!

win-win

- I got pregnant by accident, and I don't want the baby! But my boyfriend is a christian, so I'm not sure he's OK with abortion. Plus, it is illegal in Brazil, so I'd have to stop my vacation here and go home to do it!
- Oh, I think you should go ahead and become a mother! In this mad world, it is good to have a tradition to give you easy answers, and the easy answer now is becoming a mother, which will make all nice conservative people respect you! And also, military freaks will be glad to get another soldier to die in their useless wars! And sex maniacs that pose as priests and leaders of charity will be glad to get another kid that they can sexually abuse while pretending to do something to ease poverty! So it's a perfect win-win situation!

Humor is the answer!

There is no question!

Marriage or something

- This has got to be a joke! I spend most of my waking hours at my job, or on the bus to and from it! How the fuck am I supposed to get a boyfriend or girlfriend? I can't fuck my co-workers! I'm not supposed to! I need some social life, but I gotta get some sleep!
- Oh, I know a pretty nice sleeping therapy parlor that is absolutely bi-friendly! You just have to extend your lunch a little bit, take a nap, and wake up to find your Prince Charming sleeping right next to your individual nap-cubicle! Just be sure you don't sleep with him right away! You want him to know you are a nice young man that wants to go to Denmark and get married properly, and then go to Amsterdam to get some nice and clean Spacecake Honeymoon Private Party goin on!

Likeable man

- He's so likeable in this Vodavone T-shirt!
- He must be totally lickable without it!
- O que foi que ele disse?
- Que o John é lambível!
- Ah, com certeza!
- What did he ask you?
- I just told him how you'd like to lick John all over!
- Oh! I thought that was supposed to be our secret! What a bad boy you are!
- Oh, I'm not a boy anymore! But I'm kinda innocent, in my heart! Believe me!
- Give me another shot of this caipirinha, and I'll believe anyone all the way in!

I'm so glad

I'm so glad I'm a brand new man
Your love makes me out and about
I just love your plastic presence
You make my p-spot sing and shout

Vou

Singing: Vou deixaaaaar a bicha me levaaar pra onde ela quiseeeeer

playing your cards

Casino Royale is spectacular! Bond looks human, frail, warm, and truly cold and dangerous. Like you'd be dead before you knew, if he wanted you to. Everybody involved did a really good job at playing the cards they got, and this is probably the best since From Russia With Love.

strobo-sonic mindflowers

You don't need much. Not even vodka. You just dance looking at the mirror. Some people will think you're high on illegal stuff, and you will tap the energy and get a natural high. And the boxed-up tobacco smoke inside the dancefloor will surely give you a lift.

fala, cidadinho!

- You look like this new yorker that always wears black because you feel guilty about being rich in such a police state of a city that you can promenade at total ease, so you get bored and come to Rio to feel the heat and get robbed at gunpoint!
- Stop looking and decide: are you gonna suck my dick now, or are you doing it at our New York penthouse? Either way, I'm getting you the longer shocking pink butt plug that you want so much!

OK kissing

- Come again?
- Fiofox! That's a night club that will literally take you to the depths of Copacabana! Just go downstairs and enjoy yourself!
- And how long will this techno party go on?
- Until 8 a.m., at least!
- OK! Maybe I'll show up later! I have to meet this girl first!
- Bring her along! Het kissing is OK there!

Very Important Piece of Art

- Sing or write or paint the way you want! If it's not the solution, it's a document!
- OK! Say that in portuguese!
- Cante ou escreva ou pinte do jeito que quiser! Se não for solução, é documento!
- Sounds pretty sexy to me!

born with a cell phone number

- In the near future, newborn babies will get a cellphone number! That number will also be their ID, and their social security, and bank account, and their whatever-document number! Just one number! Then the bureaucrats will get paid to go home and surf the web! In fact, ANYBODY who's unemployed will get some nice cash just to surf the web or do wathever with their time!
- OK! I'm going home to masturbate and get some sleep! You can come with me, if you like!

mingau trouble

- How do you pronounce it?
- Mean- gow! Like a mean cow written with a "g"!
- OK! So I don't have to believe in anything?
- Yep!
- And I don't have to do anything?
- Except one thing: try to avoid trouble with the police!
- That's the problem: I actually WANT to get in trouble with the police!
- Oh, really? You should meet some "nice" Brazilian policemen! It will change your mind, trust me!

holy do your king thing!

He was chosen to stand before the king and get some royal head and shoot his spunk down the royal throat.

church of mingau

The Church of Mingau! You don't have to do anything, except this: try to stay out of trouble with the police. Yes! You don't have to like eating mingau! You don't even have to join in to be part of it! Enjoy yourself!

she looks like lezzie maguire

- She looks like Lezzie Maguire! How cute! I can't believe she actually dicks your ass! Is she big?
- Oh, she's fabulous! Never did anything but volunteer work all her life! But she's not dumb! She knows a con man from a mile a way!
- Her dick! Big? listen to me!
- Oh, yes! And she has this way of being shy about it! Like she is being sucked off for the first time, you know? Almost suffering as she releases her spunk right into your mouth!
- Hmmm! Tell me more!
- She likes me to ride on top of her dick! And she holds my waist as if I was hurting her dick with my ass! It's lovely! She makes me scream, alright! Dear God!
- Great! But will she do it to you doggy style? I happen to know you LOVE it like that!
- Don't be mean! She does anything I ask her to! She really loves me! Why, she might even fuck YOU, if I asked her to!
- OK, but you will have to give me some whiskey first! Then I'm all yours, love kittens!

1992 means tea for 3

- I felt like I was in love with my life so much! Like I'm gonna be happy for ever! I never thought ecstasy was going to be that good! It's like I will never need to get high again, cause I'm high for life! Like I came down to another planet! I feel so good, and it's been like 13 weeks! I mean 13 weeks without even doing tea! That's the most beautiful hangover ever! I'm forever changed, or something! God, I'm so happy!
- So, are you ready to suck cock and tongue ass?
- Why, do you have a bisexual husband?
- Oh, John likes you and you know you like him, too! And I'm all for it! But I am my own husband!
- What? You mean you are a she-male?
- Boy, I am the woman who will make you stop dropping acid and go back to booze and schmooze! You are gonna be in way too deep and beg for more! Are you ready? Because my clit is the biggest one, and my balls will have you mesmerized! Just say the word!

having fun in 1991

I remember telling my friend I was going to put some Hendrix on the stereo. He was kinda unsure about it. Fifteen minutes later, the music ended, and we were back from some place and time we can't recall. It seems our bodies were motionless all the while. The faces inside the wooden furniture were kind enough to stay put throughout the procedure. I suppose our minds were having fun inside some small spot on the floor. I said I was going to the bathroom, but I'm not sure I was speaking. The lamp was quite weak, but the bathroom felt like Ipanema beach at the hottest summer noon ever. Talk about enlightenment!
It was daytime already! We decide to go for a walk. At about one hundred yards from a police post, we changed our minds. There was no way around it, and we were already laughing like maniacs just to think of getting anywhere near it. We almost fell to the ground with laughter, but somehow managed to get back home on our feet.
Some hours later, he decided he was cool enough to go home. As my matress no longer felt like some weird cloud of hard matter, I eventually slided into sweet dreams.

mouse hammer upside down

- It's sure easy to be so funny on a full stomach!
- Oh, but I'm NOT for hunger at all! Food, hospitals and a place to live in privacy for each living person should be completely free! Then we would probably see wars waged over who has the coolest clothes! What a wonderful world it will be!

I had this dream of a future with 24-hour fast food joints in every single town in the world.

- This looks like some kind of plastic prick!
- Yeah, but it is a drawing of a mouse hammer upside down! The balls are really ears!
- Holly catfight!

She likes me to piss on her face under the shower, while she wanks. That TOTALLY gets her off. She will scream with pleasure, then eat her own spunk.

I love greenpricks

The Dadapop Center for Displease Control warns you: unbelievably high doses of caffeine can give you the shakes, and even kill your sorry ass, so TAKE IT EASY!

Wake up! The planet is already fucked up way beyond salvation! Sure, I'm all for clean cars and a cleaner environment, and sustainable whatever, but that's only because I want to suck some ecofreak cock. You know who I'm talking about. Those guys that look so het and righteous, but are really dying for another guy to give them their first good head, because their wives are so stuck up with new age paranoia they never learned to appreciate a nice piece of man sausage.

Then I saw her mace
Now I'm a cum eater
Quite a trace
Of spunk in my mouth

I'm for peace, you animal!

- Translate this: Participe da campanha: Eu Sou da Paz, Animal!
- Be part of the drive: I'm for Peace, You Animal!

- With my ass wrapped around her finger, I understand that anarchist that wrote that God is what you feel in your ass at the moment of orgasm.
- You are in love!

- Right. We could easily make abortion and other birth control options available all over the planet. That would reduce poverty and violence quite a bit. But we are not doing it. We prefer to use hunger, war and deep stress to reduce the population levels. I'm not sure I understand.
- Maybe it's because it sounds more like adventure, you know? Big fun!
- Yeah. Fun for the masses!

don't save the planet

- The funny thing is: 90% of the humans say they believe in a better afterlife. OK! So why do we need this planet? Even if our children die in a barren world, they will go to Heaven, so what's the point in trying to save the planet? Even if you are an atheist, that doesn't prove God does not exist. In fact, if you are an atheist, you shouldn't even have kids. What for? Even if the human race manages to exit this planet for a better one, before our sun dies, what is the point of the continuity of the human race without an afterlife? Just for kicks? Include me out of this joke, thank you!
- OK! Can I tongue your pussy now? Before our sun dies? Please! I'll let you finger my butt while I do it!

When I
Feel like something
I wanna tongue your ASS

gone to a party in 1990

She looked like an animation from some crazy expressionist, like that guy who painted The Scream, or whatever that painting is called. Only she was a happy scream of joy, falling to the floor in acid-driven laughter. We had this house in the country all for ourselves. Too cold to go outside, we stayed in and looked at the infinite shades of white on the walls. The wood in the furniture looked like wax. I saw myself like Picasso would have painted me, when looking in the mirror. I almost got inside a picture in a magazine, staring at it for ages. There was a kids' room, and we felt we were small as kids again, when we were inside, and got out of it at once, for it felt kinda weird. Later, we smoked some pot and fell asleep in absolute peace.
Yeah, great fun! Getting stoned and listening to Daydream Nation. Sonic Youth really saved my life in 1990. And the cover painting blew my mind. Gerhard Richter was the most astonishing realist I had ever seen. That's some freaky Pop Art, yeah! Thank the Gods!
So the year came and went. I was studying, had no time to think about getting someone to fuck. That is some kind of happiness, honestly. As good as any other, as a matter of fact.

poetry in lotion

He paid me to wach him masturbate. I asked him if I could touch him, if I got too hot watching. He said I should touch myself, instead. Maybe some other day. So he came back from the bath wearing a Donal Duck outfit. Only it was pink. He produced a large dildo that stood up on its base. Now he was facing the wall, like I wasn't even there. He sat on it all the way down with such ease, I was afraid he was going to faint. But he was having one of those screaming anal orgasms. I wonder if I scream like that. Anyway, he called out his mom or something. It was hard to understand his voice. Mostly panting. I noticed he was jacking off and pinching one of his nipples. A few minutes of this, and he was shaking up and down, and screaming again. This time it was mama alright. And he collapsed for a couple of minutes. My dick was hard as rock, without me even touching it. I gave it a few strokes when he turned my way. He asked me if I wanted to ejaculate. I said only if you want me to. He said some other time, and gave me the other half of my cash. Same time next week. Take care.

You make me feel like I can fly

You make me feel like I can fly!
So high!
Sanitation!
Woo-oo-oo!

- I understand you are trying to write this fragmented novel out of a blog, combining some stuff that happened to you with lots of stories you've heard!
- Wow! You look so sexy when you have that understanding look in your eyes!

We knew she was shooting up dope. We were worried, but then she vanished. Dead? No. Her family put her in an institution. She's fine, now. Has a great job, lots of cash, a lovely girlfriend, and is doing ecstasy, but only once or twice a month. The rest of the time she writes books for children. Not published yet. But she doesn't care. She's smiling most of the time.

feeling fine in 1989

So it was like less than 18 months and I'm out of her life now please do NOT insist! Great! I could feel miserable, but chose to feel stoned. I dropped acid. The first time it was funny! It was just a quarter of a blotter that was pretty weak, so I got no visuals, except for the slight sensation there were some details moving in the hair on the cover of Revolver. But my mind divided in two. There was one me looking at the world. And another me looking at me looking at the world. My world was small, for I stayed up all night listening to Revolver or something. When I went for a walk in the cloudy morning, the silver light from the sky was almost unbearable. I looked pretty japanese, I'm sure. Second time was half a blotter. Not much stronger, but my room felt great.
Third time was one nice blotter. All white, like the others. I was listening to the Doors and walking round my room with my feet in the mud that I knew was my carpet. Had a telepathic face-off with my shadow on the wall. In the morning, I saw the nearby mountain pulsating like a giant heart.

new servants

I wanna know what cum is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what cum is
I know you can show me

- I understand some scientists say human life could survive a total nuclear war.
- Yes, that is a possibility.
- I wonder if we are going to face a green dictatorship.
- Yeah, that could happen.
- Maybe the ecologists are lying to make us save up natural resources, so the new ruling class can use them in secret. Like the noble class was enjoying free sex while the church priests kept the peasants in strict heterosexual monogamy, to give birth to new servants.

going straight in 1988

- Then what?
- Then I learned to cook my vegetarian meals. And I quit all drugs, including alcohol. And I was jobless and not going to school. But soon I decided to study to try and get myself into another college. And I kept drawing, and mostly painting. And stayed at her place, waiting for her to come back from her job. It eventually got me so depressed she quit trying to understand and threw me out.
- That's mean! Weren't you back to school?
- Yeah, but I was really getting on her nerves. Should've got a job, but was too upset with myself! Now I know she was right: I had to go back to my flat and get my mind straight, and she couldn't help me at all. Except maybe if she went out of my life, which she did. She knew she was part of the problem, playing mother to a self-hating wannabe artist. The fact is: I was driving myself out of my head, and taking her along to the edge, so she jumped for her life!
- I see. Now, will you suck my cock? I know you like it!

smile: you are being copied

- It says: Sorria, você está sendo copiado. What does that mean?
- Smile: you are being copied!
- Nice!

- Ireland will be united as soon as they solve a flag design problem!
- What?
- It's about the Union Jack! It is made out of three crosses. If you take out Ireland's Cross of Saint Patrick, it loses the red X. That will leave the Cross of Saint George outstanding, which will surely bother people who don't want this christian symbol upfront.
- You're drunk!
- That doesn't prove me either wrong or right!

She's a real cocksucker! Mean assfucker! Don't you know? Oh, Yeah!

drunk soup

ByeCow was the first band onstage. Or downstage, for the stage was so small, they were actually facing the crowd on the same level. They started with a version of Peter Gunn that sounded like some freak son of Iggy and The Stooges. It turned out to be an introduction to Cocaine, which was a nice way to warm up. Then they went into their own songs, and the crowd went mad with drunken singing. At some point, I remember they played Seven Nation Army. There was also a song about looking for an open beer joint, for another drink and a time to think, and then realising he is really getting way out drunk. By then, I was right there onstage, to avoid the mosh. And then came Os Retrôvisores, ready and willing to do an even crazier show. And so we went. I can't describe it. The guys from ByeCow were singing, even I was singing. It was a total drunk soup, but luckily no one barfed the scene up. These kids know how to hold their liquor.
Since some of the crowd went away after ByeCow was done, we were freer to jump around, and so was Kao, the lead singer. I doubt that he ever was this crazy at any other show with Os Retrôvisores. They closed it by doing a spaced out version of Can't Explain. It was SONIC Bliss!

1987 felt like heaven

Going on twenty and going steady with yet another girl. She was older and wiser than the other ones. I just quit all illegal drugs, and went back to alcohol. And books. And LPs from Sonic Youth, Jimi Hendrix, Laurie Anderson, The Fall, and The Velvet Underground.
I quit eating meat, and bought some jazz albums. I was drawing more. And still stayed up late watching soundlessTV with the controls twisted, so it looked like some abstract video made by Andy Warhol, you know? Screaming colors and vibrating shapes.
The fact is: even before trying any drug, including alcohol, I was already quite out of it. I used to lay down upon the carpet facing the ceiling, with my eyes closed, after lunch. I would put some record on. Usually the Blue Album. Yeah, The Beatles! Man, was I tripping! At times, I couldn't even feel my body right. I felt inflated, or made of air. Call me borderline schizo, if you like! Paraphrenic or whatever. I say everybody can do something similar, if they concentrate on some intense stuff. Like people watching a movie. They almost forget that it is not real.
So I quit my job, and flunked a lot of disciplines at college. It was love, alright!

1986

I fell in love with my best friend's girlfriend. He was OK with us kissing a lot. But he didn't want to watch it happening. Eventually, I was freaking out for want of sex. And she was scared because I was a virgin. And then she was mad, and told me to fuck off. Said she never loved me. Today I think she probably said something like that to make me go away. She was trying to stay sane. She wasn't ready to have two boyfriends. Maybe she shouldn't. Not everybody can do that and stay happy. I went back home to listen to The Jesus and Mary Chain's Psychocandy, and get some food. I drank a whole bottle of Sidra. A friend showed up and I went out with him. But I refused to tell him what was bothering me. Then we went to his place, he fell asleep, and I read a book called O Supermacho, by Alfred Jarry, or someone. It's the guy who wrote Father Ubu, or whatever the english title is. Anyway, the book blew my mind right open, and I was suddenly, without any explanation, absolutely sure that she loved me. I woke my friend up to tell him I was fine. He told me to fuck off and went back to sleep. I had sex with this other girl at the end of a big party, sometime later. And did LSD three times the very same year.

Give a friend the finger

- This should read: give a friend the finger!
- OK, but let me tell you: if you expect to change anything, this is a free country! But, if the change is gonna cost big money to big shots, they will make sure some fake accusation of kiddie porn dealing or drug trafficking land you in jail and oblivion in no time! That's how it works! They don't kill people anymore! They simply kill their social acceptance! Everything is fine, until they find a way to turn even your family and friends against you! They will do it, believe me! I've seen it happen to some friends that I can't be seen around anymore! People will avoid you like the plague! Then you will know who are your true friends! That's a group I'm not part of, really! I'm joking, but you will find I'm also telling you the truth, for I will refuse to even talk to you! It's like those friends that win the lottery and don't tell anyone and are never heard of again! And speaking of vanishing friends, have you seen Mary lately? I haven't seewn her in ages, man!
- Oh, haven't you heard? She won the lottery and ran off to Asia! Simply vanished!

1985

I came back from the States to Rio. But not before listening to the Ramones and the Velvet Underground for the first time. And the second time, and so on. I heard her call my name, for sure. Rio was boring as daytime TV, to my numb surprise. I was not the beach bum type, and hated the sun, really. And going back to college was not that much fun, except for the occasional spliff.
Then I was back in my hometown on vacation, and met this alcoholic girl that was 24 or something. Unbelievably old for an 18 like me who had never even kissed a girl. And she had to kiss me, for I was pretty much unaware of the effect I was having on her. But the mail love thing didn't work, and I was too young for her. And she wouldn't go visit me in Rio, even though I was living alone, and told her it was OK.
Yes, my parents stayed abroad, and I went back to college, still unable to get into someone's panties. But I didn't really know what I was missing, so being a virgin wasn't that hard. I could always get stoned and listen to Revolver. Or this new band, The Cure, in concert. Trippy, yeah!

1984

In 1984 I tried to kill myself with homeopathic sleeping pills. Not quite a success, but had a good night of sleeep. I had to stop college and go to an American high school, because my father went to study in the US. Being 17, I was unable to buy beer, so eventually I tried pot. I was quite impressed. I did not have a car. I felt even more weird and detached, except for a couple other foreigners that I met. I fell in love with a girl who cut her wrists. She didn't die, and didn't want me to fuck her. So I bought LPs and watched TV. I listened to The Beatles. And Sex Pistols. And Pink Floyd. And Led Zeppelin. And Joy Division. And Cream. And Talking Heads. And Flipper. And The B-52's. And I loved it when Van Halen was on the TV.
I was home earlier one day and overheard my parents fucking in their bedroom. They were just loud enough. I was twice shocked: once for finding out they had sex, and then for being shocked at what was and is quite common for humans to do, even in some marriages.
Other great shock was when I saw the sea, after months of landlocked boredom. Florida looked like heaven, and High Times magazine looked like something from outer space.

finger today

- It should read: Fashion targets prostate cancer. Stop prostate cancer: finger a friend!
- Hmmm! Right, Mary! That's a good one! We'll use it!

I was sent to the economic capital of South America, to do a report for my zine about an art exhibition at Mountaintop, an independent space. I found the paulistas to be very friendly, specially when I am as drunk as I was last night. The show was at least as good as the Art Biennial, if not better. I remember listening to some of the artists speak of their work, but I don't know where are my notes, so I'll mention this styrofoam sculpture of a gigantic baby holding a much smaller baby on its lap. They looked like they were two versions of the same person, a rather famous public figure I won't name because I don't know why I won't do it. Yeah, that about sums it up. There was also this free pass hanging from a wall that read: Pussylicking cocksucker. I was most impressed, and told the artist, instead of interviewing him. I got a ride from too nice girls, but we found no interesting late night plays to watch, so I'm back in Rio.

1983

Being terrified of someone finding I was fucking my mom's best friend wasn't bad enough. My father had to move again, because of his job at this freaking american company. I cried for hours under the shower, which was OK, for I always masturbated there, and took long long showers anyway, so no one noticed this long shower was different. It was no different from outside: my parents knocking on the door, my voice sounding a bit strange for me.
So there I was; Rio de Janeiro City. No friends, no woman, no one to talk about my heartache, and having to study harder, because I was supposed to pass a test at the end of the year that was gonna land me on a public university. I was going 16, and so freaked out I started collecting Snoopy cards. I don't know how to say that in english! It's like collecting cards, but you glue them to an album. Anyway, Snoopy and friends saved my life that year.
That was the first time I've heard about AIDS that I can remember. It was mostly a joke, for it used to be called Gay Cancer. We had no idea how weird things were gonna get. On the good side, there was this FM radio that actually played Kraftwerk and Deep Purple! I was amazed!

Stop separating your trash

- People should stop this stupid recycle thing! I mean: if recycling is so good for the planet, why can't we get paid to do it? We are separating our trash for free, and stealing the jobs of people who could be earning money doing it, and who is making money? Some industrial fucker who couldn't care less! Well, let him pay for someone to do it!
- OK. I hear you. But I've come all the way from Maine to eat your cum here in Rio, remember? So shut up and come!
- I understand the drunks at the nearby booze joint are upset because of the rain. It is loud, and they like talking while drunk, and who am I to disagree? I've just remembered this friend of mine singing that sweet dreams are made of tits! She's funny!
- So marry her!
- No way! She wants kids! And she's already got a guy! Maybe in my next life, provided that she has a nice dick, or a sterile uterus. In this one, I'm finding me a guy or a tranny! Someone that is not jealous, and loves me a lot.

1982

Fucking my mother's best friend was a death secret, so I was feeling kinda loony without being able to tell anyone. But since I was known as some kinda freak that actually read lots of books and listened to Pink Floyd's first album, it was rather easy.
I remember walking a lot with my friends through the streets of my hometown at night, nothing to do, for I was 15, and the oldest one must have been 17, so drinking alcohol was out of question. Maybe it wasn't really hard to get our hands on some hard liquor, if we really wanted to, but the fact was that we were a bunch of weirdos who couldn't talk properly to girls, let alone bribe a beer joint owner. I remember buying second hand old nudie mags from the seventies and discovering that full frontal nudity was illegal in the brazilian press less than ten years before. It was kinda weird, but what I really liked to look at were women's butts and tits, so it was quite alright, for me. There was some gay fiction in the mix, which left me a little bit freaked out, but OK. Blitz released Você Não Soube Me Amar. Things were going to get pretty intense.

greek love one more time

- I must say I am quite agreeably surprised to see that brazilians are all over the board when it comes to skin color, from the milky brown we call pale white to the almost bluish petroleum deep brown that we call pitch black! They all look like living ice-cream cones that I can't wait to stick my tongue into!
- Yes! Homossexual acts in the animal kingdom! And we have photos! In the show at the Museum of Natural History, in Oslo! And some are available online for all to see! God bless Norway!
- This drawing he showed me said that God forgives absolutely everything, but the judge is free to think otherwise, so you better be smart and stay out of trouble! Then he presented me to this friend who is my kind of greek goddess!

fashion targets prostate cancer

I did this drawing that resembled that target from that sales campaign against breast cancer, you know? That one where you buy a t-shirt with this target and help stop breast cancer. This drawing has a hand showing its middle finger right into the center of the target, and it reads: O câncer de próstata no alvo da moda. Ajude a combater o câncer de próstata: meta o dedo no seu homem. In english: fashion targets prostate cancer. Help to fight prostate cancer: finger your man's ass. Since I've sent the drawing to a bunch of people, the idea is probably stolen forever by now, but fuck it! It's a good joke, and I'm drawing it again, I guess.

Respect the Church of Porn. Well, this one I'm almost positively sure it has been done before, for I checked it on Google. Well, it was a joke when I wrote it in a drawing, and I didn't know about the real church or whatever. But then it was quite serious, for I know that young american soldiers are risking their lives around the world to protect my right to love porn like it's some freaky religion. I love democracy! I hope we can have it outside America some time soon!

1981

She was tonguing my ass, and I was tonguing her pussy. That's some great 69 when the girl has that clit that you can hold between the outer lips, even when it stands up. It is big enough for you to feel it under the closing lips, but then It's not a monster clit! Those bigger than life clits are great too, if you are a cocksucker like me, but I just love the feel of those ones that get encapsulated inbetween those tasty outer lips, dear Lord! Oh, freaky Jesus fuck, tongue my ass! Is that your finger? Oh, give it to me, baby! I'm gonna find your G-spot with my tongue now, read my mind, I'm gonna jump tongue first right into your uterus! Oh, Shake that ass! Do you want one or two fingers? That's three, huh? Here's four, take my hand, baby, for I'm taking you all the way around those burning sands! Yes, I'm a lesbian faggot! That's very nice of you to lick my hairy balls! I am happy to learn that you don't prefer them shaved, for I'm you regular bisexual bear, otter, chaser whatever you want! And suddenly I'm back in 1981! That's my first 69, with that 19-plus virgin cocksucker from across the tracks, and I'm a 14-plus rock bitch freaking out! I'm back in 2006 and spurting all over your tits! Say that you love me, bitch! Yes!

To swerve and protect

The moon is a pretty black woman
With a shaven head
Smiling with her eyes closed

- I've just come back from this place somewhere downtown, which I'm not naming for security reasons. Now, these security reasons are probably bullshit. If Rio was really coming apart that bad, how could I go downtown safely? Just because it is saturday morning, and the sun is out? No way!
- Well, I understand life goes on pretty much as if in Israel, whenever they're not being blown to pieces by some crazy terrorist wanker!
- Wait! That's disrespectful to my wanker friends! You better take it back!
- OK, but that politically correct crap is really a nazi freak thing, for it doesn't understand context! But anyway, the truth is I love you, so you can drink my piss now, honey! Oh, YES!

in vodka veritas

- I had this dream I was in Planet Dope or something. People were always high, and it was harmless. The only bad things that could happen were accidents, but their medicine could fix up anything and anyone. And you could go crazy, but then they would use ecstasy and other pills to get you back in proper shape, which was quite lunatic, of course, I mean: can you imagine what normal is when everybody is off their tits? A normal conversation was quite weird for me, but everybody was mostly friendly all the time, so I felt quite safe, albeit a bit confused at understanding where things were going. Since there was no need for safe sex, for everything was easily cured, there was quite a bit of orgies and hilarious divorce litigations going on everywhere. I was mostly laughing my head off, really.
- Right. Well, I gotta tell you something: You ARE in Planet Dope, and presently under treatment for a disturbing series of nightmares where, you insisted, you visited this Planet Earth or something, where sex could be dangerous, and drugs could do you harm, and some other crazy stuff. But you seem to be coming around pretty good, now! Here: have some vodka!

let the children play

In my dream I went to this planet that shocked me the most: Children were having sex in groups, pairs, and solo everywhere, even in public. One of the natives explained it to me: they were restless and noisy, and since we don't have any contagious diseases in our planet, we decided to let them watch porn from the craddle. They are much happier now, and grow up to be quite sensible adults, like I might be an example of myself.
I asked him if there was any law prohibiting them from having sex with adults, and he told me the age of consent was 8 years old in most of the planet, except for some conservative isolated communities that drew the line at 10, and a country that said it was OK from 5. I was feeling dizzy by then, and he asked me if I wanted a comfort pill. He assured me it was tested and OK for earthlings and other 25 thousand space species, so I swallowed it, without any water. It was remarkably easy to swallow, like it had disappeared in my tongue. Then he told me there was a side effect: It might change my sex for some 48 hours. But he assured me I would look gorgeous as a female, and kissed me. I started laughing with joyful surprise, and woke up with a hard-on.

Sheena is a crossdresser

- I met her online. Then we met at a pub in Ipanema. She is that good at looking like a biological woman. I was surprised to find out that she was born with those blue eyes and golden hair. She laughed, and told me that not all brazilians look like refugees from a war in Africa or slum dwellers from Mexico City. After some seven or eight dates, she agreed to have sex. Boy, was she worth the wait! She can suck me into sheer Heaven with those lips! She has all the rhythms and tongue textures you can possibly imagine, and then some! Her dick is just my size, and knows how to move around inside my ass like it's been doing it for months, which is the case by now. This is a very happy ass that's talking to you right now! And the way she takes my dick up her butt! I can't possibly describe the ways that ass can move along, and then slow me down, and then hurry me into a soulshaking blast off, man! I just go on and on and I never want to stop, oh Lord! Wow! I'm shaking just to think of it! So I'm getting a job and a home in Rio.
- Well, I hope you come and see me when you are back in L. A. on vacation!
- Sure! She loves to share a good thing like me with nice people like you!

God is over there

-You see that delicious blonde transvestite waiting to turn a trick over there? That's God!
- So what? God is everywhere! So every single fucking thing there is, and even the ones that do not exist, it' all God! That doesn't change a thing! Because God is everywhere, the world stays the same, or maybe it is changing for the better, in fact, I'm sure it is evolving into something beautiful, but I'm not there yet, and won't be there anytime soon, so it doesn't make much of a difference, really! Oh, I guess someday I will be absolutely overjoyed about anything, but that won't be tomorrow morning, no sir! Or maybe it will, but I only have today to live, really! tomorrow is just today all over again! OK, it's a bit different, but I'm going to die someday, and I'm not sure it will be fun to do this thing, dying, so how can I feel so great about all this esoteric delirium? God knows I would like to feel great, and sometimes I do, even without trying, but that seems to be out of my control most of the time, so what's the point in it? OK, maybe this is not a good day for me, not very good, anyway. OK, but not really something!
- OK. I love You. Can I suck your dick, now? You can suck mine, too, if you like!

o lord won't you buy ME

Jesus Fucking Freaky Christ! It's a helluva paradise here now. Just enough vodka in my brains to make me understand. I've seen this movie called Wood & Stock, for the second time. I must say I'm quite impressed. It is surely naive at times, but I don't give a fuck, for I was laughing my ass off anyway the first time I saw it, not drunk or anything. It's about two die-hard hippies and their deranged friends, trying to cope with this crazy new world of today. Complete with a friend that gets dead drunk every single night and wakes up without knowing where the hell she is. Yeah, that's animation for people over 16 alright now and forever!

- I really like tonguing assholes, you know! Like this!
- Yeah, man!
I was a bit shocked at him telling me this with his boyfriend standing less than ten feet away, but that was a quite intellectual book shop, and I was mostly happy to see someone so close disclosing himself as an ass freak just like myself. So I guess God knows what is what! Yeah!

tut frut

I am calling you
From the deeps of yummy
To tell you all about
King Tut Frut's mummy

I was old, but now I'm young
I was told not to fear
Now I know all songs unsung
Let me sing for you to hear

When the coming times are due
All is old and all is new

You're too kind

I would like to understand
To avoid loosing my mind
If you hold on to my hand
I must say
Every single day
You're too kind

The unicorn went for a whisky
And the roof is feeling fine
And the grapes are getting frisky
I must say
Every single day
You're too kind

doing butchy carpet munchers in the caboose

Butch lesbians like it in the ass nice and deep. Not all of them, but that's OK. There must be some 6 hundred thousand butch lesbians in this planet, and that's more than enough for a lifetime of dicking lesbians in the ass, thank you. I don't mind if only 6 thousand of them are into it. I can smell them from miles away. They sure look tough, those girls. But they really are just like those macho guys who secretly hunger for a nice thick fuckstick up their chocolate tunnel. It only takes a couple of drinks on the right occasion. Maybe a certain song. Sometimes, all you need is the right conversation routine. And I know all about it. I was born into it. First time I did it, I was 12, and she was 36. My mother was her best friend, and accepted her for what she was, and would have a stroke if she ever knew. But she won't. That's the best thing about these girls: they won't tell a soul. Too much to loose. Because they come back for more. Yeah, I'm that good at buttfucking. So they will keep it a secret. OK, there was one that wasn't that OK about it. She got confused. But that was fine: no one believed her, when I denied the whole thing. She was off her meds, anyway. That's my wife's favorite story.

stripes on 45

There's a party going down 'round here
Jesus freak, yeah!
Jesus freak, now!
Jesus freak, yeah!
Jesus freak!

When I feel like something
I wanna fuck your ass

He was born. He grew up. He married a girl. They got divorced. He married a Dutch guy. The Dutch guy was killed by a drunk driver. He got together with a man and a woman. They left him for an exclusive relationship between themselves. He was a bit depressed. He met this group of seven people that were in an open relationship. He joined them. They lived happily for 56 years.

Secret artist man

Inside the box there was a stone, engraved with the following words:

Reading is optional
Ler é opcional

Bate na palma da mão
Vai descendo o cocozão
Cocozuda!

O feiticeiro disse que mamar não é tolice
Não, não é pecado pagar pra ser enrabado
E disse que havia uma trava encantada
Que engolia tudo e não cuspia nada

I think I'm in love

I am not looking at the candle anymore. I'm watching the shadows on the wall. I'm outside, in the sun. It doesn't burn at all. The shopping center is delicious. I'm just watching it all. The cars are alive. There's music all around. With or without aim. Infinity of sound. The silence behind it is behind it all. There must also be a color behind all the rainbows. But with or without musts, I'm having a ball. My heart is singing it's secret song. It tells me I'm fine and should hop along. This train's everywhere and nowhere at once. I'm basking in epigrams and swimming in tongues. Inside my head, I'm screaming with joy. There goes a fat lady, and I'm sighing oh boy. The man over there makes my blood feel great. So many cute people. I don't hesitate. I'm drinking their images. Forever my cake. I smell something warm. Caressing my soul. I'm scratching my head. I'm puzzled and cool. It all comes together. Like winding up wool. I'm wrapped up in daydreams. I'm a wisened up fool. I'm tasting a bliss as big as a pool. I have tears of joy flying 'round my brain. I'm changed forever and glad that I came. I know who I Am. I'm glad I'm a man. I think I'm in love, therefore I Am.

the air conditioning is perfect

- I gotta find me a lesbian wife!
- You mean bisexual.
- No! I don't want to have sex with her! I just want to kiss her in public!
- Wait! You believe yourself to be bi because you like to KISS women, and nothing more? You're gay!
- That's for me to define! French kissing IS a sex act, so I am bi!
- Come on! That makes me bi, too! Remember that night I was on e and kissed Mary for hours? I enjoyed it! So that makes me 99.99% bi, right? No way!
- Well, you're standards are not my business! I want to meet you lesbian friends! Start spilling the info!
- Why would I do that to a friend? She would have to secretly meet women for the rest of her life!
- She will have a chamber maid! Surely you know some nice closet lesbian dominatrixes!

one step ahead of the blew

- I gotta tell you: this 69 thing is lovely, but not enough for me!
- Well, I've told you right from the start that I'm not taking dick up my ass! Nothing against it, but it is not my thing!
- I don't mean that!
- What, then? Me dicking you? That's not my thing either! I've told you: nothing but fingers and tongue!
- Will you listen to me? it's about our showers!
- What's wrong with that? I thought you liked showering together after sex!
- I do! I do! It's about pissing in the shower!
- I thought you don't mind that! I won't do it anymore!
- It's not that! I want you to piss!
- You WANT me to piss?!
- Yes! In my FACE! In the SHOWER! OK? It's easy! Just go, and I'll be right there with you!

el retossexual

He said he's not retrosexual, but RETOssexual. In Brazil, reto means rectum, besides meaning a straight line, and stuff like that. Anyway, he was paying me, so I was laughing with him. Then I was inside him, but not in the usual way. It was one of the coldest hot fucks I've seen, actually. No ice, but the room temperature was quite cold from air conditioning. I guess he hates sweating, and living in Rio must be kinda distressing. Anyway, what he did was masturbating himself while standing up behind a couch, watching some videos. They were mostly old silent movies, and the music was mild electronica. I was standing right behind him, but without touching him, except for a hand in his left shoulder. He was colder than me, whatever the room temperature, and that's the way he likes it. He wanted to feel my warmth, but only at a very precise moment. His balls were touching the backside of the couch,which was metallic, and quite cold at the time. He was just humming for some minutes, and then he called out a woman's name. That was my cue, and I embraced him from behind, and quickly started to give him as much fingers up his ass as his shaking would let me. He was screaming and filling up his rubber.

Oh, Dara! Please Believe Me!

Her name was Dara, and she liked to listen to Odara, which is an old hippy song from Caetano Veloso, this old Brazilian singer from the 70's, which is so totally her, because her hair is down below her butthole, never seen a girl with such long hair she is a rich brazilian girl alright, so it is quite alright for her to be a hippy with style and nice expensive shampoos and hair conditioners, and she is a vegetarian except for the meat she likes to suck off when she is drunk or stoned like she was she is in a journey through this planet in order to find her true self or something, and she was oh so freaked out when she found out I am a girl that has a nice long dick that she can feast her tongue and tonsils all over OH, DARA! You surely suck a mean mean cock! I told her I'm a rich american girl, and that she is most invited to show up at my place in L. A. anytime she feels like sucking some nice american sausage, and she was laughing like crazy then asking me if I ever took it up the ass and what it was like and would I fuck her ass she was scared of brazilian boys they were kinda brute but she felt I was the right person to give her ass a try and did we succeed! I was in and out and in and out and in and out and all the way IN! YES!

Stop the CPR! I want to get off!

The thing is: the victim had VERY big tits. As I pressed her chest, they got to shake to the rhythm. I was breathig hard, as I had to count out loud the pumping motions, in order to keep my partner blowing air into her lungs at the right time. She was white wax pale, and I find vampire movies quite sexy. She does not come around. She is dead right know, clinically. I'm having the biggest hard-on in a long time. My partner notices it. Soon he's excited, too. We can't hear the paramedics' siren. This can go on for an hour! We mustn't stop! We change places, and doing so only heightens the feeling on our crotches. It is getting to be too much. She won't move an eyelid. How long can we go like this? I am starting to see people having sex in the shapes of the numbers I'm crying out loud. My partner locks up his eyes on mine. He's shouting the numbers along. Something is humming in the back of my mind. He's doing the push-downs with just one hand, and the other is pumping his dick. Mine is out at once. We're changing places for the fourth time with our dicks in our hands. It gets to be so easy to do we are laughing and barking between the shouted numbers. We lick it off her tits just before she starts humming.

God is bizarre

- God is bizarre, really, like showing up in different places for different people. Plane flight simulators, collecting stamps, genital piercing, praying, materialistic philosophies, post-op transexuals who are gay, het guys who marry lesbians who will let them do nothing except lick their pussies, people who fuck up completely on drugs because that's how they feel closer to the mistery of life, men who give up sex and masturbation and just concentrate on work and talking, and people who go and live like hermits in nature and only have sex with goats, and people who never leave home and write stuff in blogs, and rich people who have their kicks traveling to the stratosphere, and poor people who like to fuck where they will be easily found out, and people who enjoy getting advice because they know they won't change a thing about their lives, and people who realise they should shut up and write their complaints in order to make it easier for others to ignore them, and people like me, who sometimes can't tell someone is hitting on them even if the person is almost jumping on their laps, and a zillion other ways to feel God!
- OK! I AM hitting on you! I love you! Now shut up and tongue my ass!

gala mess

Gala dress, yeah! In Brazil, gala is a slang for spunk, and I want to mingle with the loco locals. So I'm a rich american girl giving head to this brazilian guy who WON'T fucking come! I want some hot gala all over my tits and gala dress, but this must be some kinda tantra freak, Jesus fuck! He just moans regularly, like it is a mantra, no matter what I do. I'm doing it with my teeth, like i'm going to bite it off, and then I'm doing it slow and softly and very very wet, like I'm drooling with pleasure, which I am, I love his taste, is this pre-cum? Aw, fuck, I can't tell, this brazilian beer got my taste buds' wires all scrambled up, but I'm a good girl, yeah, I do it in the name of the Lord Jesus, I'm a woman on a mission, I am licking up and down the shaft from all possible angles, and doing it sideways, and doing it with my cheeks on the outside and then on the inside of my mouth, and only with the tip of my lips and then my tongue all over and then it is all the way down my throat, yes, I'm having your balls, too, and then i am tickling his asshole, and I sense a shiver hmmm I'm licking my finger and up his ass we go and he is losing it completely and asking me to oh fuck him fuck him yeah, shake that ass, you faggot, give me your COME!

wankadelic hangover

Thank the gods, soon his hand was landing on my lap. Mine was all over his cock the very next second. We slid into the carpet in a swirl of kisses all over. In a couple of minutes he was tonguing my ass. Then he gave me one, two, three, four fingers. He was good. Then I watched him wrapping up my gift in rubber, and kissed him again as he spread the lube over the rubber, and then felt the rubber myself, grabbing his pole and almost gasping for air, good god, yes. Then his dick was inside me. I felt so right. Man, did I shake my ass! He was moving faster, then slower, following my moans like a script. He was moving around inside me in ways I wish I could describe. So good. He would take it all out slowly, leaving just that delicious head inside me, then shove it all right back in, then stop midway in, then go all the way, or take it back, I was freaking out deliciously. I was about to scream. Then I was screaming, pleading, moaning his name, oh give it to me, oh do it oh honey darling baby hmmm jesus yes! oh yes! oh don't stop ever do it to me do me do me do me oh honey DO ME! And the DVD played on as if nothing. I drank a little water along with my vodka, so my head don't hurt. I'm just a bit slow. I'm so glad.

Vodka vision

Everybody is the same only in our tendency to be different from others. Everybody should believe that we should not believe in the same things. Yes, it's all in your mind! Wherever it may be!

I understand your sexuality is a matter of your private concern only. Nobody else's business, really! Just give me a silicone doll with big tits and a nice dick, and nobody gets burped!

The funk we are, ladies and gentlemen!
On with the soul, good vibe to you!

Vai! Vai! Assim com esse doidinho!
Vai! Vai! Assim com esse doidinho!
AAAAH! Só tem MALUCOOOO!

Ladies and gentlemen:The Bleepos!

Please Bleep Me
With The Bleepos
A Bleep Day's Night
Bleepos For Sale
Bleep!
Rubber Bleep
Rebleeper
Sergeant Bleeper's Bleeping Hearts Club Band
The Bleep Album
Yellow Bleepmarine
Bleepy Road
Let It Bleep

I've got everything that you want

I've got everything that you want
Like a hard-on oh so true

The basics about looking stoned: wear your sunglasses even when you are washing your face. Say something meaningless from time to time. Refuse any drug, saying you are already freaking out. If asked what you're on, say you don't know, but it looked like an aspirin. If asked about the effects, say you can't describe it, except you feel great. If asked about the man, say the guy is someone you don't know, who just told you about an hour ago that you had to try this unspecified stuff, and pretend to look for him. He will, of course, have vanished completely from the party.

People should shut up and write. A written complaint is much easier to ignore, thank the gods!

To the checkpoint

- The fact that you get excited watching this black woman spank a tied up white woman's ass means that what you really want is to be fucked in the ass by a black transvestite!
- No way! I want to be spanked by a black transvestite, then go home and masturbate all by myself, period! Then again, maybe I will skip the spanking and just stay home and have some fun!

Young american soldiers are risking their lives in Iraq today, to defend your right to be a drug using, bareback fucking, post-op transexual born again Hindo-Islamic-Satanist-of-Christ agnostic-atheistic freak, so take it easy and enjoy your life!

- The streets are feuds that never die, so let's get mildly drunk and get a cab!
- OK! I've just finished this stuff I had to write online. To the checkpoint! Go!

democracy is funny as heaven!

Democracy means having to take it when others make cruel fun of your dearest beliefs, and being free to ridicule theirs just as well.

Test you democracy right now: make a tasteless joke about your president's mother's sexuality!
Just keep in mind that your lawyer loves you!

Love your parents, but do it using condoms!

I had this dream about the future. The Pope was on TV telling people to relax, because orgasming with a vibrator up one's ass was not a sin! In fact, it was as sacred as a same-sex act between consenting adults! Me and my boyfriend were drunk with esoteric enthusiasm!

The bleep you are

- I wonder what is the point in starting what is supposed to be a humorous collection of notes, then writing some very serious stuff inbetween the jokes.
- It's no wonder, for life itself is a joke, even though it seems like God's practical one from time to time.
- OK, so I wonder what does God mean with all this crap going on all over the planet.
- Well, we are free, so that's how it goes.
- So we are free to be cruel with each other.
- And the others are free to try and stop you from being cruel to them, so watch your step!
- That's insane! Why would a God want all this mess?
- Because robots are not as much fun, and don't feel love, either!
- So God needs our love?
- God is everywhere. And you need love. Unless you believe otherwise, that's it.
- Well, that's funny, alright!

suicide is alive and well

- Why shouldn't I kill myself?
- Only you can answer that!
- So, it is OK?
- If you want to leave this world very quickly.
- And where would I go?
- Where you believe you will.
- If I believe I'm going to Heaven, that's where I will go?
- If you believe it, yes.
- So there is no punishment?
- If you believe it, yes, no punishment.
- What if I'm not sure?
- Then you will go to somewhere you're not sure what it is.
- That's great!

you are what you bleep

- Now that you are bound, and before I gag you, I must tell you this room is soundproof, so no one can hear us. After I gag you, I'm gonna shove my dick up your pussy just to grease it up. What I really want is to shove it right up you ass, without any care if it hurts you. Yes, and without any foreplay to ease my way. I WANT it to hurt you, if you can't relax. Then, I'm also going to strangle you to death. Nothing personal, but your sphincter will give me a great orgasm if you die without air while I'm fucking your ass. I'm gagging you now. Say your last words.
- I bet you say the same thing to all the others!

Eat my shit and live forever.

- I am gonna spunk in your mouth and shit in your face!
- Well, at last I find a candidate that not only talks in a way I can understand, but promisses something that can be done! My vote is yours, Mary!

good old whatever

Some say only the stupid write for free. I hope they got good money to come up with that.

- You went without food for 21 days?
- Yep!
- What for?
- I guess I'm an idiot.

The stars that shine
And the stars that shrimp

He wanted to be a singer. He went to Rio. His diabetes got worse. He went back home. He died. He was 25. I believe his former girlfriend was the only woman he ever had sex with. I hope she knows that she was, quite probably, the only girl he ever loved. Whatever. Life is beautiful.

stripe 69

It is self-evident that, when people want you to believe in something without a second thought, they say that something is self-evident.

- People are rather intense with their voices at times, and I wonder if they ever wonder. Fuck it. It doesn't matter if you believe or not in gods, or countries, or ideas, or sex, or food. Without love, you are dead.
- I love you, too, and I want to suck your dick!

She is rather skinny, but I like her big mouth. Maybe she thinks I want to stick my dick right up her butt. Wrong. I want to tongue fuck her in the arse. Yes.

A drawing of two pistols doing the 69.

lick my fist

She was on the phone with some excuse to show up. OK, I said. We didn't kiss much. I mentioned licking her feet, but she said they were dirty from wearing sandals. I tried to dick her, but I had already ejaculated twice that day. And I'm not nineteen anymore, so my dick wasn't that hard. And she felt big. She knew it, and asked me about it. Yes, I said. She felt a bit too stretched. I guess her husband was really thick. Maybe her daughter stretched her when she was born. Anyway, it was nice getting some head, but it didn't work. And I guess she is not that crazy about sucking my cock and only did it to get me hard. We just slept. She was so beautiful, I couldn't even think of anything, like proposing to fist her pussy. I was kinda daydreaming about her beauty, and maybe she was thinking I found her too fat. I do, and I love it. And she had to mention this bleeding she had the day before, so I was too scared to really stick my tongue beyond her clit and deep into her pussy, the way I like it. Some two days later, I jerked off for an hour or so with this friend of mine. I like his dick. And three days later I came into my this friend's mouth. She loves it. I will tell her to lick my fist next time around.

pussylicking cocksucker

Cascades of hair are motionless to the music. It is music to look inside. I barely move. That's some fucking great piano playing.

My feet do not touch the sand. They don't feel much like they are touching the sidewalk, either. Men and women are really boys and girls at their deceiving hearts, in this beautiful afternoon. They make my eyes feel good good good. Ipanema has never looked this beautiful. I do not love anyone but myself right now, and I'm loved in return, so I'm the happiest man alive.

I can't help but adore my fellow passengers in this crappy old bus. I am sure they are all capable of horrific violence, given the right setting but, right now, they're just a bunch of tired people coming back from day jobs, just like me. We are all moving into what we believe is a much brighter future, but it does not show that easy when you look at our faces. Even in spite of ourselves, we simply know it.

contemporary fart

The real question about contemporary art is: Would we love each other's farts? And also: would she love to be with me for hours of deep kissing? Would she be sterile? And would gently sucking my dick bring her to a slow tantalizing orgasm of cosmic proportions? I certainly hope so. Hope is the only dope. The rest is just chemical details. But I would strongly advise taking the time to read the label before you drink it. An alcoholic beverage unexamined is not worth drinking.

Let me tell you about Rio Radio and the Favela Beat. Exploding in your face from the depths of the carioca slums maze, like some new paraphrenic seizure. Out here in the perimeter there's nothing but stars. Out here we is sweat immaculate.

Do you really want to spurt me? Do you really want to make me fly? Oh, it's a cream come true!

strangers in the light

I have come to tell you that everything is alright, though it hurts quite a bit at times. Explanations postponed to a time when we will use our illusions in a way that will take us to a higher state of consciousness, though I am afraid we will be fearless mostly because of our lack of awareness, who knows?
Maybe that is the way our courage goes. Maybe that is the way our minds will let it flow. No system is also a system, and you are welcome to your pipe dreams, if you pay the price, which was supposed to be explicit here somewhere, but you will have to check with the clerk over there.

An image of a white woman being fucked by a black man. Her business trip to Rio was a complete success.

Let us bask in our collective disjunctive agnostic ecumenic afterglow.

bananafish republic

It sounded like a sewing machine laughing in the distance. Machine gun. I looked at the enourmous rock, and remembered there is a favela on the other side of it, where it is easier to climb it. That is less than a mile from Copacabana beach. But it has been twenty years since I actually was an bystander to a true shooting. No one died that day at the bus I was in, or even outside it. You can call that a civil war, if you want. But you are a guest in Rio, and some people, like me, have actually READ descriptions of TRUE civil wars, so we call it crime, just like in New York City.

The best sound award goes to M*A*S*H. It shows people talking over each others' lines, just like in real life. MY real life, anyway.

You want fries with that.

Anorexia tranquila

She liked the taste of human blood. She used a razor blade to draw a symbol in the other guy's arm, and lick his blood. I was not stoned enough to let her do the same to me, but it was nice to watch.

It felt like she was tearing my skin off my neck and face and up to just an inch below my eyes. Hot wax. I did it to try and get rid of my beard. It hurt so bad that tears were rolling from my eyes, and I was shaking a little bit, afterwards. When I went home, I felt strangely aroused, and decided to masturbate. I guess pain reminds you of death, and being reminded of your own mortality triggers an erotic response, like sex is the opposite of death. And that's what makes S&M people so hot about it, I guess. Whatever it is, it's their lives, and they are free to enjoy themselves. Next time, I asked a dentist friend to do an anaesthesia job in my face beforehand.

Being bony is sexy, too. ANOREXIA TRANQUILA!

pillow talk

- AIDS does not exist!
- Don't give me that shit! I've read the stuff at the Alive and Well site and beyond, and it DON'T matter if they are right! Who CARES? The official thing is: most people BELIEVE in it, anyway, so if you get ANY DST, and get a positive test for HIV, while checking for other stuff, you are socially DEAD. So sex IS a matter of life and death, period. I don't care if you fuck strangers or friends, or the love of your life. You are risking death every single fucking time, even if you do it safely, for the only 100% safe sex act is masturbation. That's it. Enjoy your life.

I found this defective plastic bag at the supermarket. No opening. It had two bottoms, so it looked like a pillow without any stuffing. I named it PILLOW, and signed it and dated it. So it is art. You are free to see it as a protest against the social problems in the city of Rio de Janeiro. As for me, I believe it is mostly a joke about deep sleep in a gigantic city.

Dear aunt Mary

Dear aunt Mary,

Rio de Janeiro stays beautiful. My new job is a bit tiring. But it is better than others.
I keep doing my art every day. I recommend this to anyone, as long as it does not cause trouble with the police. In some countries, caution is advised. And lots of good humor.

Luck in love. At least I have friends. My charming prince has not arrived yet. Or my charming princess, who knows? Maybe I should see an eye doctor.

Adventure all the time. For more than twenty years now, the newspapers seem to be telling me the world is going to end, and it might start doing so right here in Rio. But I have not yet died in this war.
Peace.

zombie girls just wanna have fun

- Men smoking crack, then shooting up heroin, then dildoing themselves, is all great fun to read about, but what the public wants to know is how close is that to the real life experiences of the writer.
- I drink alcohol. As for the rest, it is pretty easy to find info about it on the web, so why run the risk of hitting an artery? I don't even like FLU shots, so get a life and change the subject! And get me some Whisky. And make that a bitter one. No ice, no lemon, just straight up.

A drawing of a man holding a gun to his head. The words underneath read: Altruistic Principle. Princípio Altruísta.

A plastic bag no bigger than my hand. Full of air, like a too small pillow. It is used to prevent stuff from getting broken over the mail. I write a phrase in it and sign it and date it. It reads: Dream a little dream of me.

ticket to hike

- You know there's plenty of men who are married and love and fuck their wives, but secretly suck cock. Well, I bet you there are gay men who secretly eat pussy. I don't care if they don't like to be called bisexual. In fact, I'm not calling them. I'm calling YOU to rethink your reality, for I really LIKE to eat pussy, and there is NO WAY that your dick is gonna make me stop doing that, even if we fly to Denmark and have a fantastic gay-rave-marriage-happening televised live on CNN. So you don't want to be my boyfriend, because you don't really love me, and won't take it. Fine. I am alright. You will find someone that fits your dream. So will I. Until then, we're not having dinner.
- Well, I'd love to fuck you and a woman at the same time.
- Me too, but I don't want you to be present every single fucking time I have an orgasm! I am sure you masturbate alone, and I'm OK with that, even if you don't. Suit yourself. But I am not going to restrict my orgasms to the time we have together, even if I love you more than anyone! So, good night! Talk to you some other year!

boink art

Stop terrorism: give them free food, free porn, a clean personal toilet and room, and a box with a suicide pill, and that's the end of all wars. Except, of course, for a couple of strange people who really enjoy war in itself, the gods be with them.

No witnesses in a crime in downtown Rio de Janeiro. Well, if everybody was free to carry a loaded firearm, You'd get witnesses. As it is, only suicides want to be a witness even to a marriage.

I tell you: what is really troblesome is someone pointing a loaded gun at you, or meeting a hungry carnivore. Death and pain. The rest is not my concern. Shut up and be happy.

Dadapop, waterpop, gob art, boink art. Whatever. Boink art sounds good. Don't vote for me!

funk this blog

Make a drawing with the hammer, and the sickle, the symbol for mathematically equal, and the nazi swastika, that reads like this: communism equals nazism.

Nazism means believing that killing jews, communists, gays and anyone who opposes you, will magically solve the problem of poverty.

Communism means believing that killing the rich and anyone who opposes you, will magically solve the problem of extreme competitiveness.

The world will be great when everyone believes that it is stupid to believe that the world will be great when everyone believes in the same thing.

Democracy is absolutely fabulous. I'm going to get some sleep, now.

running upstairs

correndo escada acima

correndo escada acima
volto a ser menino
não existe a morte
nem doenças nem a fome
não existe amor perdido
nem fracos nem fortes
não existe nem mesmo
necessidade de rima
quando volto a ser menino
correndo escada acima

smells like tranny spirit

Walk the silver sands. In the name of the mother and the holy frost and the holly tranny in me.

What's that thing you have with sexual deviants, he said.

No, you WATCH that thing and enjoy yourself, if you let yourself, she said.

O feiticeiro disse que mamar não é tolice. Não, não é pecado, pagar pra ser enrabado. E disse que havia uma trava encantada. Que engolia tudo e não cuspia nada.

Tenho vontade de matar pessoas que lêem por cima dos meus ombros.

Peace and love. Music and movies. Love, sex, whatever feels good.

Always try to do the left thing

Tired of working and tired of resting, we got drunk and soon I was tonguing her toes, as she was sucking the other one's pussy, and the other one was sucking the other guy's dick, and the other guy's friend was giving me such a good good head, oh man!

Sem folder, sua carreira no mundo das artes fica meio limitada.

If you are a pacifist, people will explore that to make you work for less than you deserve, and even get you jailed for the benefit of their pockets, if you are inclined to be at demonstrations. If you are a fighter, people will use you as a soldier in their stupid wars that are supposed to make the planet a better place, but it is really their pockets getting full of gold at your expenses all over again. So try to do the right thing, don't ask me what it is, try to stay out of trouble, and may the gods be with you, my friend.

Play as you go

He was born. He found out he liked men. He came to Rio to work in the movies. Hard to do. He had a stroke. Died of pneumonia at the hospital. He's in heaven now.

Não me diga como vou morrer ou viver.

- You know, I've browsed the web a little bit, and I think there might actually exist a Church of Porn, or at least a movie with that name. How's that for you?
- Death doesn't scare me. As for the Church of Porn, I hope it is all for healthy sexuality between any number of consenting adults, and YES, that includes fetishists, masturbators, bisexuals, and transgendered people, and atheists and agnostics, for me. Even barebackers, for, if people want to risk their health, it's not my business to tell them otherwise. Jesus loves us all just like we are.
- Love is a many-splendored thing, and so is sex, if you like it.
- Sorry, man, I'm monogamous this weekend.

to swerve and protect

Her name is Rio and she pounces on the sand. You'd swear she is a young girl but she is a man. And when she slides it, well, she shows you all she can. Yeah, Rio, Rio makes you truly love this land.

Geografia é desatino.

- You think you're pretty hot writing this stuff in a weblog, but you're really just a wanker!
- Yep! And we're millions of wankers, and we're taking over the world! Come out, too!

Tripping on hunger makes the heat seem OK. The sun in Rio is funny. If you don't wear shades, people look at you and wonder if you're staring at them, but you're just wincing at it all, and then you ARE wearing shades and people look and wonder where your eyes at. I guess shades are better, but I miss the true colors. How they scream and sing so red and bluegreen.

The free sample exhibition

This phrase here is part of the FREE SAMPLE EXHIBITION. The rest is science.

Bridget Riley is the best painter alive, period. I love South Park Bigger Longer Uncut!

He ate so much he was feeling kinda drunk on food. So he went to the shopping and ate another burguer and water. When he was very young, he locked himself up in the garage with the neighbours' daughter and showed her his dick, and was trying to understand looking up close at her pussy when the adults started banging at the door looking for them it is rather funny how children are innocent and then are NOT, because he KNEW they'd be in trouble if they were caught up like that, like half naked inside a garage in the early seventies in brazil, this was rather serious, you can laugh, he is laughing right now. He got married twice, not once in the church, and so the eighties and nineties went by, sort of he danced a lot and had sex with some male friends and maybe he will hook up with a guy for good. And now he met Mr. Small.

She's my man

- I can't marry you! Your dick is not enough! I will have to go out and tongue some pussy from time to time! I might even get a biological woman as a girlfriend! It HAS happened before! It could happen again! What if her tits are bigger than yours? And also: when I sleep, I snore, and fart, and drool! And It happens when i'm awake too!
- Well, you're such a lovely, hairy, scruffy, weirdo boy, I can't help it! I love you just the same! And also, you're like FORTY, or something, so quit this post-teen insecurity crap, NOW!
And they lived happily ever after.

Write this on a piece of paper: Vale a pena rir de novo.

And then I overheard someone listening to The Animals singing I'M GONNA CHANGE THE WORLD. Now, THAT'S what I call a fine piece of good old MENACING rock and roll music! So praise the gods, in the name of Jesus!

I want my commie!

I remember this drawing made by a friend. She called it FUNK C. It had an image of an oriental men handcuffed, or bound, and about to get beaten by somenone, and it read: this vietcong is gonna get a good beating. Or something like that. Icy pervy sadomasochistic humor that left some people fuming at the opening, she said. She was hidden in the crowd, enjoying their reactions.

Make a drawing and call it: eh preciso saber beber.

- Monogamy, for me, is summed up in this: I want mommie all for myself.
- Nice pop psychology, but a true sexual democracy involves people being able to choose, and monogamy is as good a choice as any other consenting possibility.

Gonna listen to Metal Machine Music till I float into a sexy comfy sleep full of nice dreams.

drink my piss and live forever

Gilson Peranzetta played with the UFRJazz ensemble and guests, yesterday night, and I was able to be there, thanks to a friend that tipped me. Thank the gods. That was one great piece of sublime samba jazz, good enough to make me loose track of time and words to express the feeling.

Looking at a recent drawing that reads: a vida eh bela.

- I am sorry, but I cannot tongue your ass without first knowing if you have anything against the existence of the State of Israel.
- Are you nuts? This here is a SAME-sex act! Israel is the only country in the Middle East where such a thing is not a crime! Of course I'm all FOR the existence of Israel. I'm also for the international legalisation of drugs, guns, prostitution, pornography, euthanasia, suicide, abortion, celibacy, sex-change operations, orgies, and marriages of three or more people of ANY sex.

Jesus Freakylicious

I'd like to understand your position on the existence of the State of Israel.
I can't denie its existence, so I'm OK about it.
I mean it!
OK: I believe all jews should go to Israel, all muslims to Mecca and all catholics to the Vatican.
That's a physical impossibility!
Ok, so let's declare Jerusalem, Mecca and Vatican City International Agnostic Cities.
WHAT!?
International Agnostic Cities ruled by the United Nations.
JESUS FUCK, ARE YOU TRYING TO START A WORLD WAR!?
Nah, I'm just kidding! But I do believe jews and palestines will live in peace pretty soon.
Oh, really? So what is your REAL plan for peace in the Middle East?
None. It's like world peace: it will happen pretty soon, but I guess it will take more than a couple of weeks before we get there.

god forgives absolutely everything

God forgives absolutely everything, but the judge is free to think otherwise. God is everywhere at once, but I prefer to meet her at some nice coffee bar something. And God loves Porn, so be sure you respect the Church of Porn.

A photo of a white woman getting fucked in the ass by a black man. I added: WELCOME TO RIO. You can rest assured that both are over 21 years old. It is funny I haven't heard anything about THIS sexual tourism in the big media headlines. And I was not able to find anything about women prostitutes that cater for the lesbian community anywhere online. I guess that is way too underground, even for Frisco.

I understand there is this vodka you can only buy legally if you are in Poland, because it is 190 proof, and therefore illegal everywhere else in the planet. So I figure I must polish my Polish. A photo of a woman showing her pussy. I wrote: Holy Mary, eat me out! Yes!

free pass forever

I was right behind him, with four fingers up his ass and my other hand easing the come out of his dick.

I understand that Rio de Janeiro City is about to explode and I am about to get shot dead by mistake in this crazy war of druglords, and it's been like 23 years since I have been living with this information I get from the newspapers every other day.

I have made a credential that reads: pussylicking cocksucker, and it has a fish and a sausage drawn in it because I like fish AND meat. It also says: Free pass forever.

He says he doesn't mind me having a girlfriend, because he loves me so much. You bet your life that I love him.

setembro neguinha

I was doing the reverse cowboy position, sitting on her face,with her tongue up my ass and my dick between her tits.

The Velvet Underground for children: you see, when you listen to "I Heard her Call my Name", you must keep in mind that the guys in the band were a little bit too electrified because they were quite probably drinking too much coffee.

I have drawn this cartoon in which a bearded man answers the phone and the voice says it is the Israeli Army, and that he has ten minutes to leave his house and avoid being killed in the Air Force bombing. He is smiling as he says it is OK, but that he will leave behind his mother-in-law and his younger daughter, if it is OK with them.

She says she loves me and doesn't mind me getting a boyfriend. And I love her.