having fun in 1991

I remember telling my friend I was going to put some Hendrix on the stereo. He was kinda unsure about it. Fifteen minutes later, the music ended, and we were back from some place and time we can't recall. It seems our bodies were motionless all the while. The faces inside the wooden furniture were kind enough to stay put throughout the procedure. I suppose our minds were having fun inside some small spot on the floor. I said I was going to the bathroom, but I'm not sure I was speaking. The lamp was quite weak, but the bathroom felt like Ipanema beach at the hottest summer noon ever. Talk about enlightenment!
It was daytime already! We decide to go for a walk. At about one hundred yards from a police post, we changed our minds. There was no way around it, and we were already laughing like maniacs just to think of getting anywhere near it. We almost fell to the ground with laughter, but somehow managed to get back home on our feet.
Some hours later, he decided he was cool enough to go home. As my matress no longer felt like some weird cloud of hard matter, I eventually slided into sweet dreams.

mouse hammer upside down

- It's sure easy to be so funny on a full stomach!
- Oh, but I'm NOT for hunger at all! Food, hospitals and a place to live in privacy for each living person should be completely free! Then we would probably see wars waged over who has the coolest clothes! What a wonderful world it will be!

I had this dream of a future with 24-hour fast food joints in every single town in the world.

- This looks like some kind of plastic prick!
- Yeah, but it is a drawing of a mouse hammer upside down! The balls are really ears!
- Holly catfight!

She likes me to piss on her face under the shower, while she wanks. That TOTALLY gets her off. She will scream with pleasure, then eat her own spunk.

I love greenpricks

The Dadapop Center for Displease Control warns you: unbelievably high doses of caffeine can give you the shakes, and even kill your sorry ass, so TAKE IT EASY!

Wake up! The planet is already fucked up way beyond salvation! Sure, I'm all for clean cars and a cleaner environment, and sustainable whatever, but that's only because I want to suck some ecofreak cock. You know who I'm talking about. Those guys that look so het and righteous, but are really dying for another guy to give them their first good head, because their wives are so stuck up with new age paranoia they never learned to appreciate a nice piece of man sausage.

Then I saw her mace
Now I'm a cum eater
Quite a trace
Of spunk in my mouth

I'm for peace, you animal!

- Translate this: Participe da campanha: Eu Sou da Paz, Animal!
- Be part of the drive: I'm for Peace, You Animal!

- With my ass wrapped around her finger, I understand that anarchist that wrote that God is what you feel in your ass at the moment of orgasm.
- You are in love!

- Right. We could easily make abortion and other birth control options available all over the planet. That would reduce poverty and violence quite a bit. But we are not doing it. We prefer to use hunger, war and deep stress to reduce the population levels. I'm not sure I understand.
- Maybe it's because it sounds more like adventure, you know? Big fun!
- Yeah. Fun for the masses!

don't save the planet

- The funny thing is: 90% of the humans say they believe in a better afterlife. OK! So why do we need this planet? Even if our children die in a barren world, they will go to Heaven, so what's the point in trying to save the planet? Even if you are an atheist, that doesn't prove God does not exist. In fact, if you are an atheist, you shouldn't even have kids. What for? Even if the human race manages to exit this planet for a better one, before our sun dies, what is the point of the continuity of the human race without an afterlife? Just for kicks? Include me out of this joke, thank you!
- OK! Can I tongue your pussy now? Before our sun dies? Please! I'll let you finger my butt while I do it!

When I
Feel like something
I wanna tongue your ASS

gone to a party in 1990

She looked like an animation from some crazy expressionist, like that guy who painted The Scream, or whatever that painting is called. Only she was a happy scream of joy, falling to the floor in acid-driven laughter. We had this house in the country all for ourselves. Too cold to go outside, we stayed in and looked at the infinite shades of white on the walls. The wood in the furniture looked like wax. I saw myself like Picasso would have painted me, when looking in the mirror. I almost got inside a picture in a magazine, staring at it for ages. There was a kids' room, and we felt we were small as kids again, when we were inside, and got out of it at once, for it felt kinda weird. Later, we smoked some pot and fell asleep in absolute peace.
Yeah, great fun! Getting stoned and listening to Daydream Nation. Sonic Youth really saved my life in 1990. And the cover painting blew my mind. Gerhard Richter was the most astonishing realist I had ever seen. That's some freaky Pop Art, yeah! Thank the Gods!
So the year came and went. I was studying, had no time to think about getting someone to fuck. That is some kind of happiness, honestly. As good as any other, as a matter of fact.

poetry in lotion

He paid me to wach him masturbate. I asked him if I could touch him, if I got too hot watching. He said I should touch myself, instead. Maybe some other day. So he came back from the bath wearing a Donal Duck outfit. Only it was pink. He produced a large dildo that stood up on its base. Now he was facing the wall, like I wasn't even there. He sat on it all the way down with such ease, I was afraid he was going to faint. But he was having one of those screaming anal orgasms. I wonder if I scream like that. Anyway, he called out his mom or something. It was hard to understand his voice. Mostly panting. I noticed he was jacking off and pinching one of his nipples. A few minutes of this, and he was shaking up and down, and screaming again. This time it was mama alright. And he collapsed for a couple of minutes. My dick was hard as rock, without me even touching it. I gave it a few strokes when he turned my way. He asked me if I wanted to ejaculate. I said only if you want me to. He said some other time, and gave me the other half of my cash. Same time next week. Take care.

You make me feel like I can fly

You make me feel like I can fly!
So high!
Sanitation!
Woo-oo-oo!

- I understand you are trying to write this fragmented novel out of a blog, combining some stuff that happened to you with lots of stories you've heard!
- Wow! You look so sexy when you have that understanding look in your eyes!

We knew she was shooting up dope. We were worried, but then she vanished. Dead? No. Her family put her in an institution. She's fine, now. Has a great job, lots of cash, a lovely girlfriend, and is doing ecstasy, but only once or twice a month. The rest of the time she writes books for children. Not published yet. But she doesn't care. She's smiling most of the time.

feeling fine in 1989

So it was like less than 18 months and I'm out of her life now please do NOT insist! Great! I could feel miserable, but chose to feel stoned. I dropped acid. The first time it was funny! It was just a quarter of a blotter that was pretty weak, so I got no visuals, except for the slight sensation there were some details moving in the hair on the cover of Revolver. But my mind divided in two. There was one me looking at the world. And another me looking at me looking at the world. My world was small, for I stayed up all night listening to Revolver or something. When I went for a walk in the cloudy morning, the silver light from the sky was almost unbearable. I looked pretty japanese, I'm sure. Second time was half a blotter. Not much stronger, but my room felt great.
Third time was one nice blotter. All white, like the others. I was listening to the Doors and walking round my room with my feet in the mud that I knew was my carpet. Had a telepathic face-off with my shadow on the wall. In the morning, I saw the nearby mountain pulsating like a giant heart.

new servants

I wanna know what cum is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what cum is
I know you can show me

- I understand some scientists say human life could survive a total nuclear war.
- Yes, that is a possibility.
- I wonder if we are going to face a green dictatorship.
- Yeah, that could happen.
- Maybe the ecologists are lying to make us save up natural resources, so the new ruling class can use them in secret. Like the noble class was enjoying free sex while the church priests kept the peasants in strict heterosexual monogamy, to give birth to new servants.

going straight in 1988

- Then what?
- Then I learned to cook my vegetarian meals. And I quit all drugs, including alcohol. And I was jobless and not going to school. But soon I decided to study to try and get myself into another college. And I kept drawing, and mostly painting. And stayed at her place, waiting for her to come back from her job. It eventually got me so depressed she quit trying to understand and threw me out.
- That's mean! Weren't you back to school?
- Yeah, but I was really getting on her nerves. Should've got a job, but was too upset with myself! Now I know she was right: I had to go back to my flat and get my mind straight, and she couldn't help me at all. Except maybe if she went out of my life, which she did. She knew she was part of the problem, playing mother to a self-hating wannabe artist. The fact is: I was driving myself out of my head, and taking her along to the edge, so she jumped for her life!
- I see. Now, will you suck my cock? I know you like it!

smile: you are being copied

- It says: Sorria, você está sendo copiado. What does that mean?
- Smile: you are being copied!
- Nice!

- Ireland will be united as soon as they solve a flag design problem!
- What?
- It's about the Union Jack! It is made out of three crosses. If you take out Ireland's Cross of Saint Patrick, it loses the red X. That will leave the Cross of Saint George outstanding, which will surely bother people who don't want this christian symbol upfront.
- You're drunk!
- That doesn't prove me either wrong or right!

She's a real cocksucker! Mean assfucker! Don't you know? Oh, Yeah!

drunk soup

ByeCow was the first band onstage. Or downstage, for the stage was so small, they were actually facing the crowd on the same level. They started with a version of Peter Gunn that sounded like some freak son of Iggy and The Stooges. It turned out to be an introduction to Cocaine, which was a nice way to warm up. Then they went into their own songs, and the crowd went mad with drunken singing. At some point, I remember they played Seven Nation Army. There was also a song about looking for an open beer joint, for another drink and a time to think, and then realising he is really getting way out drunk. By then, I was right there onstage, to avoid the mosh. And then came Os Retrôvisores, ready and willing to do an even crazier show. And so we went. I can't describe it. The guys from ByeCow were singing, even I was singing. It was a total drunk soup, but luckily no one barfed the scene up. These kids know how to hold their liquor.
Since some of the crowd went away after ByeCow was done, we were freer to jump around, and so was Kao, the lead singer. I doubt that he ever was this crazy at any other show with Os Retrôvisores. They closed it by doing a spaced out version of Can't Explain. It was SONIC Bliss!

1987 felt like heaven

Going on twenty and going steady with yet another girl. She was older and wiser than the other ones. I just quit all illegal drugs, and went back to alcohol. And books. And LPs from Sonic Youth, Jimi Hendrix, Laurie Anderson, The Fall, and The Velvet Underground.
I quit eating meat, and bought some jazz albums. I was drawing more. And still stayed up late watching soundlessTV with the controls twisted, so it looked like some abstract video made by Andy Warhol, you know? Screaming colors and vibrating shapes.
The fact is: even before trying any drug, including alcohol, I was already quite out of it. I used to lay down upon the carpet facing the ceiling, with my eyes closed, after lunch. I would put some record on. Usually the Blue Album. Yeah, The Beatles! Man, was I tripping! At times, I couldn't even feel my body right. I felt inflated, or made of air. Call me borderline schizo, if you like! Paraphrenic or whatever. I say everybody can do something similar, if they concentrate on some intense stuff. Like people watching a movie. They almost forget that it is not real.
So I quit my job, and flunked a lot of disciplines at college. It was love, alright!

1986

I fell in love with my best friend's girlfriend. He was OK with us kissing a lot. But he didn't want to watch it happening. Eventually, I was freaking out for want of sex. And she was scared because I was a virgin. And then she was mad, and told me to fuck off. Said she never loved me. Today I think she probably said something like that to make me go away. She was trying to stay sane. She wasn't ready to have two boyfriends. Maybe she shouldn't. Not everybody can do that and stay happy. I went back home to listen to The Jesus and Mary Chain's Psychocandy, and get some food. I drank a whole bottle of Sidra. A friend showed up and I went out with him. But I refused to tell him what was bothering me. Then we went to his place, he fell asleep, and I read a book called O Supermacho, by Alfred Jarry, or someone. It's the guy who wrote Father Ubu, or whatever the english title is. Anyway, the book blew my mind right open, and I was suddenly, without any explanation, absolutely sure that she loved me. I woke my friend up to tell him I was fine. He told me to fuck off and went back to sleep. I had sex with this other girl at the end of a big party, sometime later. And did LSD three times the very same year.

Give a friend the finger

- This should read: give a friend the finger!
- OK, but let me tell you: if you expect to change anything, this is a free country! But, if the change is gonna cost big money to big shots, they will make sure some fake accusation of kiddie porn dealing or drug trafficking land you in jail and oblivion in no time! That's how it works! They don't kill people anymore! They simply kill their social acceptance! Everything is fine, until they find a way to turn even your family and friends against you! They will do it, believe me! I've seen it happen to some friends that I can't be seen around anymore! People will avoid you like the plague! Then you will know who are your true friends! That's a group I'm not part of, really! I'm joking, but you will find I'm also telling you the truth, for I will refuse to even talk to you! It's like those friends that win the lottery and don't tell anyone and are never heard of again! And speaking of vanishing friends, have you seen Mary lately? I haven't seewn her in ages, man!
- Oh, haven't you heard? She won the lottery and ran off to Asia! Simply vanished!

1985

I came back from the States to Rio. But not before listening to the Ramones and the Velvet Underground for the first time. And the second time, and so on. I heard her call my name, for sure. Rio was boring as daytime TV, to my numb surprise. I was not the beach bum type, and hated the sun, really. And going back to college was not that much fun, except for the occasional spliff.
Then I was back in my hometown on vacation, and met this alcoholic girl that was 24 or something. Unbelievably old for an 18 like me who had never even kissed a girl. And she had to kiss me, for I was pretty much unaware of the effect I was having on her. But the mail love thing didn't work, and I was too young for her. And she wouldn't go visit me in Rio, even though I was living alone, and told her it was OK.
Yes, my parents stayed abroad, and I went back to college, still unable to get into someone's panties. But I didn't really know what I was missing, so being a virgin wasn't that hard. I could always get stoned and listen to Revolver. Or this new band, The Cure, in concert. Trippy, yeah!

1984

In 1984 I tried to kill myself with homeopathic sleeping pills. Not quite a success, but had a good night of sleeep. I had to stop college and go to an American high school, because my father went to study in the US. Being 17, I was unable to buy beer, so eventually I tried pot. I was quite impressed. I did not have a car. I felt even more weird and detached, except for a couple other foreigners that I met. I fell in love with a girl who cut her wrists. She didn't die, and didn't want me to fuck her. So I bought LPs and watched TV. I listened to The Beatles. And Sex Pistols. And Pink Floyd. And Led Zeppelin. And Joy Division. And Cream. And Talking Heads. And Flipper. And The B-52's. And I loved it when Van Halen was on the TV.
I was home earlier one day and overheard my parents fucking in their bedroom. They were just loud enough. I was twice shocked: once for finding out they had sex, and then for being shocked at what was and is quite common for humans to do, even in some marriages.
Other great shock was when I saw the sea, after months of landlocked boredom. Florida looked like heaven, and High Times magazine looked like something from outer space.

finger today

- It should read: Fashion targets prostate cancer. Stop prostate cancer: finger a friend!
- Hmmm! Right, Mary! That's a good one! We'll use it!

I was sent to the economic capital of South America, to do a report for my zine about an art exhibition at Mountaintop, an independent space. I found the paulistas to be very friendly, specially when I am as drunk as I was last night. The show was at least as good as the Art Biennial, if not better. I remember listening to some of the artists speak of their work, but I don't know where are my notes, so I'll mention this styrofoam sculpture of a gigantic baby holding a much smaller baby on its lap. They looked like they were two versions of the same person, a rather famous public figure I won't name because I don't know why I won't do it. Yeah, that about sums it up. There was also this free pass hanging from a wall that read: Pussylicking cocksucker. I was most impressed, and told the artist, instead of interviewing him. I got a ride from too nice girls, but we found no interesting late night plays to watch, so I'm back in Rio.

1983

Being terrified of someone finding I was fucking my mom's best friend wasn't bad enough. My father had to move again, because of his job at this freaking american company. I cried for hours under the shower, which was OK, for I always masturbated there, and took long long showers anyway, so no one noticed this long shower was different. It was no different from outside: my parents knocking on the door, my voice sounding a bit strange for me.
So there I was; Rio de Janeiro City. No friends, no woman, no one to talk about my heartache, and having to study harder, because I was supposed to pass a test at the end of the year that was gonna land me on a public university. I was going 16, and so freaked out I started collecting Snoopy cards. I don't know how to say that in english! It's like collecting cards, but you glue them to an album. Anyway, Snoopy and friends saved my life that year.
That was the first time I've heard about AIDS that I can remember. It was mostly a joke, for it used to be called Gay Cancer. We had no idea how weird things were gonna get. On the good side, there was this FM radio that actually played Kraftwerk and Deep Purple! I was amazed!

Stop separating your trash

- People should stop this stupid recycle thing! I mean: if recycling is so good for the planet, why can't we get paid to do it? We are separating our trash for free, and stealing the jobs of people who could be earning money doing it, and who is making money? Some industrial fucker who couldn't care less! Well, let him pay for someone to do it!
- OK. I hear you. But I've come all the way from Maine to eat your cum here in Rio, remember? So shut up and come!
- I understand the drunks at the nearby booze joint are upset because of the rain. It is loud, and they like talking while drunk, and who am I to disagree? I've just remembered this friend of mine singing that sweet dreams are made of tits! She's funny!
- So marry her!
- No way! She wants kids! And she's already got a guy! Maybe in my next life, provided that she has a nice dick, or a sterile uterus. In this one, I'm finding me a guy or a tranny! Someone that is not jealous, and loves me a lot.

1982

Fucking my mother's best friend was a death secret, so I was feeling kinda loony without being able to tell anyone. But since I was known as some kinda freak that actually read lots of books and listened to Pink Floyd's first album, it was rather easy.
I remember walking a lot with my friends through the streets of my hometown at night, nothing to do, for I was 15, and the oldest one must have been 17, so drinking alcohol was out of question. Maybe it wasn't really hard to get our hands on some hard liquor, if we really wanted to, but the fact was that we were a bunch of weirdos who couldn't talk properly to girls, let alone bribe a beer joint owner. I remember buying second hand old nudie mags from the seventies and discovering that full frontal nudity was illegal in the brazilian press less than ten years before. It was kinda weird, but what I really liked to look at were women's butts and tits, so it was quite alright, for me. There was some gay fiction in the mix, which left me a little bit freaked out, but OK. Blitz released Você Não Soube Me Amar. Things were going to get pretty intense.