1986

I fell in love with my best friend's girlfriend. He was OK with us kissing a lot. But he didn't want to watch it happening. Eventually, I was freaking out for want of sex. And she was scared because I was a virgin. And then she was mad, and told me to fuck off. Said she never loved me. Today I think she probably said something like that to make me go away. She was trying to stay sane. She wasn't ready to have two boyfriends. Maybe she shouldn't. Not everybody can do that and stay happy. I went back home to listen to The Jesus and Mary Chain's Psychocandy, and get some food. I drank a whole bottle of Sidra. A friend showed up and I went out with him. But I refused to tell him what was bothering me. Then we went to his place, he fell asleep, and I read a book called O Supermacho, by Alfred Jarry, or someone. It's the guy who wrote Father Ubu, or whatever the english title is. Anyway, the book blew my mind right open, and I was suddenly, without any explanation, absolutely sure that she loved me. I woke my friend up to tell him I was fine. He told me to fuck off and went back to sleep. I had sex with this other girl at the end of a big party, sometime later. And did LSD three times the very same year.